A
male
age
36-40,
*reeneyeswide
writes:Im a 25 year old male, who just broke it off with my girlfriend of 6 years, due to her cheating. I cheated on her once early in the relationship,when we were already serious. I never told her,but she always had her suspicion. I know there was no excuse for what I did, but after I cheated I felt so horrible, and I knew that I couldnt do any thing like that to her again. I never did. For the next 5 years I was absolutely faithful. I can not sit here and lie that cheating never crossed my mind again, or that opportunities did not arise, but I fought them off because i truly loved my girl and did not want to hurt her. Most of all the thought of having sex with another woman turned me off. I know my karma caught up to me, but i feel what she did was far worse. I might have cheated and not told her a few months into it, but she cheated 6 years into it, when we had so many plans in action, and lied constantly when i asked if something was up. We were talking about marriage, and even trying to have a baby. When i say we were serious,Im talking that true, deep, connected love. The rare kind. Now im sitting here wondering if kicking her out of the house was the right thing to do.Its only been 3 days and I miss her like crazy even tho she hurt me so bad. Im so conflicted because i know i can not judge her for what she did, but my anger tells me to just let go. Even if i let go, i still love her tremendously, and i know after 6 years she has to feel something to. I know i wasnt being the greatest man in the world, but i gave her numorous chances to break up like adults. I even tried to be the bad guy, if she didnt want to be the one to call it off. She even left one night to her sisters telling me she needed time and a break. As much as it hurt me, i agreed. But then she literally came back the next mourning telling me she wanted to come home, and how much she missed me, and that everything she had told me the night before wasnt true. I keep asking myself, if she liked this guy, why wouldnt she take opportunities that i gave her to go with him? Why did she come back that mourning, if that was a chance to leave? Why didnt she take the chance, when i was telling her i wanted to break up and that she wasnt making me happy? Instead i had to play detective, and find out she was cheating. Why did she choose to go out like that? Also, i cant seem to understand, that if she liked someone else, and wanted to be with that person, why would she take our pictures, and things from our room that remind her of me and our 6 year relationship. Why would she want to hold on to those memories, if shes trying to make new ones with someone else? How can she just forget 6 years, our dog, our house, and our family with someone who came in the picture for 3 months? I would love to hear feedback from women to help me figure out what is going on in her head, what i should do. Like I said i want to hate her, forget her, and move on. But the love and investment I have for her is so strong that in my mind i already forgave her and want her back. I miss her. I saw her face, hugged her, kissed her, everyday for 6 years straight. These 3 days have been hell for me. But part of me knows shes not missing me as much since she works with the guy. What do i do?! Please help!
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female
reader, 1sunshine +, writes (14 December 2012):
 I totally agree with person12345. SHE KNOWS in the back of her mind that you cheated long ago. What you guys had, was never fully formed into an honestly loving relationship. She knew that you were unfaithful and you did as well. She is now looking for real love.
Its time to start over and hopefully you will find an honest start with someone new. AND NO MORE CHEATING! ............ Good luck ;)
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2012): You need to let her go. Cut your losses. You will have more to lose if you continue investing in her when she has shown she has feelings for someone else.
Why did she cheat rather than leave when you gave her an honorable way out? Maybe at the time she wasn't sure if he was available and she is scared of being alone without a relationship. Maybe she too thought she should hold on to the relationship because of the 6 years investment until her feelings for him grew strong enough to make the risk of leaving you worth it to her. She was on the path to marriage and family and she wasn't sure she wanted to give that up so she stayed with you while testing the waters with him until she felt sure enough of him that she could have a future with him then she would have left you but you found out first.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2012): Sometimes relationships have to end before either party is ready to say goodbye.
Missing her and wanting to be with her is natural, it's like quitting smoking, she was your habit. Besides missing her if you deep down believe you are right for each other than you can try to get back with her by taking her out and treating her special... if she's willing. Take it slow and see how things go before jumping back into it. If she's not willing, only time will heal your wounds. You can always rebound which works wonders.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2012): Hi, I am not going to critise either one of you for the affair. However, I think time apart is good and you both can figure what you really want and if yourll are prepared to work hard and give this relationship a second chance. Give her the space and let the hurt settle. Any rash decision could result in more regrets. Further, if you both want this relationship you will find a way to work things out. But it entirely depends how forgiving you are of one another and remember if you give this relationship a chance the past remains the past. If you or her cannot forgive and forget then I suggest you dont try to reconcile. The way forward depends what you and her decide to do and honesty will be key to the success of a relationship.
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A
male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (13 December 2012):
Hmm welcome to the break up zone where anything anyone tells you will not make sense or mean much to you because you have a heavy burden on you right now.
Why did she cheat? Who knows maybe she is young and doesn't know what she wants or doesn't want what you want.
Sometimes you just have to look past yourself and consider that maybe you didn't do anything wrong but maybe it was this other person who lied to you for so long. All you are doing now is recycling the past and questioning everything. Soon you will be questioning the floor.
Relax and try to understand that it will get better in time. I dont think she deserves you and you are much better off finding someone who will remain faithful.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (13 December 2012):
 Sorry but you dug your own grave here long ago. She knows you cheated, she knows you lied, and because of that she likely never formed the kind of devotion and love she otherwise would have. She should have left, but she probably didn't want to leave and then have doubts later because you never admitted it.
You didn't really give her numerous chances to "end things like adults" because you never told her the truth. She shouldn't have cheated, but you shouldn't have either and you should have come clean.
You should part ways and move on. It will stop hurting with time.
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