| A
female
,
anonymous
writes: Please cupid helpers enlighten me. Some women claim to love there men when they can treated quite badly. one example - I have a female friend of 40yrs who loves this guy who treats her quite badly eg. picks arguments, doesnt pay his share of the bills, doesnt look after there 2 kids that much and she tells me she loves him. I have asked her what makes her love this guy that doesnt treat her well (which she agrees) and she cannot really answer this question well just saying "I just do". Englighten me please as i find this very baffling. I dont believe its just a case of treat them mean keep them keen, accepting their faults as well as their good qualities, being insecure, low esteem etc. Any views on this?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Jadzia1127  +, writes (29 April 2006):
 Battered women's syndrome (which is also seen in men) is a hard thing to break. Women and men who are in very bad relationships are counted as 'battered' even if it is only mental, financial, or verbal abuse.
These women have invested their whole lives into one person who trains them to accept their tirades. The focus gets so strong that it feels like their very lives depend on this jerk's happiness. They misinterpet what they feel for, as love. Most have a long history of abuse usually from their childhood and are in a vicious cycle.
The only way to break the cycle is she has to leave and get counselling. Then take a break for a year away from forming a new relationship while she works on her views of what a good relationship is.
If she wants help I can give info that will get her the help to make the break from the cycle she is in.
A
female
reader, Angel ron +, writes (29 April 2006):
 OH dear that is a very good question in my opinion I feel very sorry for thses people. Sometimes to help them recoginse it you need to get there friends and family to wothness it and let them tell them from their point of view. this sourt of sciensarion is created by women who are married to mysogynists and mysogynists hate wmen and have away of controlling and bullying woemn both mentally and physically women making them feel small betltttled, effecitng their self esteem scared threatened and even mking them to frightended to leave or go to the police. soemtimes whre there are kids invillved iof the woman wanrts to leave the men use threats like saying i will tell social services that your are not fit to be amum oir they will fight for custody. so what iam saying is women or men in that situation do not choose to stay with man or woman out of l;ove they are basically afraid of them and are in fear because of threats made by their tormentor.
hopefully that answers your question
Anyway take care byeee
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