A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Ok so I went out at the weekend a man that I have been having sex with for 11 months was working on the doors as a doorman this is some background so you know the full story you might understand why I did what I did we met nearly a year ago I really liked him he propmised to take me out go places together none of which happened after 6 months I found a womans hairbrush and hair slides on his bedside cabinet I questioned him he said they were his sisters I went home for something then went back to his he had moved them he didn't want me to see anyone else and I didn't want him to either each time I asked him what was going on with us he would just say he has been hurt and doesn't want anything serious I asked him about 8 maybe 10 times everytime I got the same answer he texts me when he has finished work at 2.30am wanting sex he always tells me to go out more and enjoy myself I have a son so don't go out much this was always a problem for him don't know why so anyway I went out on saturday all dressed up had a drink round a friends house first there were 7 of us we went to the pub where he was working I started dancing with this other man he kissed me and my fwb I suppose saw us and now he won't speak to me as he thinks I slept with him when I didn't but he doesn't believe me now I feel so guilty I was just unhappy with how things were do you think I am right to feel guilty or did he get his comeuppance as I am 99% sure he has slept with someone else also how can he accuse me of cheating if were not together in the first place sorry if this is long just really need some advice on what to do now thank you x
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for all your great answers you were right he obviously doesn't care about me he also told me he was still in love with his ex that he broke up with two years ago I'm not gonna text him or anything I'm just gonna move on and forget about him thanks again
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2012): Your his booty call, no more no less. A girl he uses for sex.
He was probably mad you kissed the guy because it was in the pub he was working in, if others know he's been visiting you (and men brag) he would have his ego bruised.
You can go out with whoever you want, your single, so why not stop the sex,tell him its a relationship or nothing. Dont listen to his weak excuses, he doesn't take you out or care about you,if he did he wouldn't call you up at 2am.
11 months is enough of your time wasted, your obviously an attractive girl and can meet other men easily - just do not have sex with them until your sure its a relationship and not just a booty call - you don't have to be hidden away, you should be shown off with pride.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2012): He promised to take you out and go places... what a prize: LOL. So you had sex with him when he felt like it at two am hoping that one day he would take you on a date??? 11 months later he still hasn't taken you anywhere, doesn't this tell you something?Why would you have anything to do with him at all? He is definitely seeing other people on the side. He's upset you danced with someone else- too bad for him, he should have treated you as more than a booty call.If you want a relationship, find someone who will go out with you right away and don't have sex with him until you're in a defined relationship of bf/gf, no friends with benefits 2 am booty call crap. My advice is to get rid of this man for good and to go out with the man who you danced with-explore that.Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (8 February 2012):
 Not understanding this much.This guy aint your boyfriend, he's just some guy who comes over and you and him have sex. He's shown he's not interested in dating, he never takes you anywhere. He comes over for sex, and he isn't even concerned if your sleeping at 2:30am in the morning like most people. Your the woman he has sex with, end of the story.Now with sex only relationships, there is no going out or doing things together. If he can't even come round at a decent hour, then it's not a FWB (friends with benefits) cause he aint no friend. It's a booty call, he gets horny and then he calls, but you have no control over anything.You do get to make a contract in sex only relationships. You can both agree to be faithful and no sleep with anyone else because of the dangers of STD's... not because he wants to keep you or love or any decent reasons.He broke the contract, he cheated.... I'm not understanding what your getting out of this relationship at all, except a bit of sex (which is probably crap at 2:30am) a lying man, and no chance to meet someone else who might treat you better.Dump him, and try to track down the man you was flirting with, at least he wants to hold your hand in public and doesn't expect you to hide away and live like a vampire.
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A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (8 February 2012):
 That's exactly it. He wants a FWB with you, but he doesn't want you to see anyone else.
First of all, stop feeling guilty right now. You did nothing wrong. A FWB is NOT a relationship. You owe him nothing, and he owes you nothing. If he wants a relationship, he needs to grow up and initiate a real one.
And, this is a lesson to you. 11 months as a FWB is too long. You're wasting your life and body on this guy. What you are is thirsty for real intimacy, but what you're getting is a mirage.
Do NOT apologize to him. If you're interested in going beyond a FWB and having a relationship, you need to lay it on the line. It's a grave mistake that people think that a relationship is a "next step" from FWB, because there IS no next step! You'll be starting a new relationship beyond friendship.
You have not cheated on him. There was no promise of exclusivity. He's been treating you like a 2am booty call. If he wants you to only have sex with him and no other, he needs to grow up and make the same commitment.
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A
male
reader, landomando +, writes (8 February 2012):
Your situation needs some clarity, are we dating or are we not needs to be answered. You can say its not cheating cause it seems like u arent together. And what u did was just hurtful. I dont think what you did was wrong because both of you knew this wasnt really a committed relationship. You really just hurt him. made him mad cause no one wants to see a person they care about with someone else. tell him I didnt sleep with that guy. It was just a kiss. He caught u doing it so i mean i could see him being mad... also have u been seeing other people? has he? if not i would say thats kinda a relationship..
If he says its his sisters hair brush you cant hold that against him.. u didnt catch him doing anything. and theres really no ground rules in this situation. I guess your two arent together. so ask if hes been seeing other people.
Good luck
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2012): I'd just move on.
He want's to have his cake & eat it too.
He want's you to be faithful whilst he's out sleeping with whoever he likes.
I'd give him an ultimateum.
Either you's get together properly & you are in a committed relationship.
OR
You walk away.
If not he'll just continue to use you,when you could be out there looking for "Mr Write" & not "Mr right now"
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