A
female
age
36-40,
*Lindy87
writes:So my friend asked me to ask you all for advice.Her boyfriend and her have been dating for 8 months. She feels recently that he isn't as into the relationship then he used to be. She has tried talking to him about it but he says "I don't want to talk about this now, my feelings are the same. I love you" but she said she feels he only says he loves her because he's obligated to.One night a weekend before halloween they were at a bar and he started dancing with some other girl, my friend thought maybe it was a good friend of his since they met up with a big group. She later found out that he didn't even know the girl prior to that night. She was upset and told him she was mad and he didn't seem to take her anger seriously, instead said "I was just having a good time, don't worry I still love you and want to be with you"Halloween weekend he was supposed to go to a party with her and that day said he was too hungover to party that night from partying the night before. The next day she found out that he went to a different party the night he said he wasn't feeling well. So he basically ditched her. She then brought up the subject of them and him not being as into her as he used to be and he then told her that she was silly and that of course he wanted to be with her.Also, my friend recently had a cold sore on her lip and understandably he didn't want to kiss her during that because cold sores are contagious. Well its not there anymore and she says he still won't kiss her. She's worried he's not into her anymore but talking to him about it doesn't work because all he does is brush it off and tells her everything is okay although she is unhappy and knows something is clearly starting to go wrong.I have only met her boyfriend a handful of times so I've been no help being as I only have these facts. I told her to talk to him about it in a nice way and not an accusing way, I wonder if that was good advice. Does anyone else have a good idea for how she can spice up her relationship or somehow talk to him about this even if he's unwilling to address any problems they may have?
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (6 November 2010):
 Most people, wisely, won't leave their old job or give notice until they have firmly secured a new one.
This guy is sort of doing the same, I think he is casting his nets around,- or at least he wants to get back a lot of space and some privileges of his single life, but does not want to give up ,for now, to the comfort, reliability and availability of his current relationship.
A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (6 November 2010):
 You got the right idea..Guys don't do confrontations, at least guys that young, they can't be bothered to discuss their feelings or this relationship. They see no problem with the way it's going, I mean they're still together that's good enough, right? Wrong. I see him getting bored in this relationship, he still says those 3 words because they've gotten to be redundant. But his actions speak otherwise, he's grinding on some chick he doesn't know, faking being sick so he could sneak off to another party, and not kissing her anymore when her cold sore is long gone.
Sadly, talking to him is a lost cause..the honeymoon phase of this relationship is over and it's boiled down to the make it or break it. Since he's not willing to match her efforts in this relationship, then I would break it off. Right now the relationship is just dragging on.
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A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (6 November 2010):
 The suggestion of talking to her boyfriend may not have worked but it was certainly not bad advice to give. It revealed a lot about their relationship. I think he is telling the truth when he says he wishes to stay with her but, I suspect that it is for all the wrong reasons. He may just be with her for the sake of having someone to call his girlfriend, not out of love it may not even be out of lust, it is literally just in title.
I suggest your friend break up with her boyfriend because she deserves someone far better, somenoe who will devote his time and heart to her instead of lying to her and leaving her, in essence, alone.
There is nothing left for your friend and her boyfriend to talk about, his true character has begun to leak through his ugly pores.
I hope that helps.
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