A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have just recently broken up with my boyfriend of two years. We both are in serious relationships but I'm very confused because my ex said that he loved his new gf after dating her for two weeks and he cheated on her with me once (big mistake and never happening again) my question is how can he say that he loves her when he still masturbates to old pictures of me and lies to her about still talking to me? What does this mean?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2008): It means he's a normal and horny guy. When relationships end, it doesn't mean the two people's feelings for each other will just get conveneiently switched off from then on. Unless he totally grew to hate you (and sometimes even if he did), it makes perfect sense that he might still have strong feelings for you.
But he made his choice and he's with her.
You can keep sleeping with him if you want but if he says it's not going anywhere between you two anymore then IT'S NOT.
Sex can be just as meaningful for guys as it is for girls, but sex for guys doesn't automatically carry that meaning the way it does for a lot of females. He is perfectly capable of screwing someone else (like you) and not feeling like it means anything compared to his "real" GF at the time.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2008): hmmm ur name wouldnt happen to be lindsey would it? lol but anyway back to the question...it seems to me like he still has feelings for you..or maybe he is just very attracted to you...at any rate i would advise you to tell his new gf because it's not right that he is with her and still thinks about you in that way...but how can he say it? simply because he really doesnt mean it you cant truly love a person and keep lying to them...this is a very delicate situation and i would advise you to be careful if you do tell her because she will likely take it very defensively make sure you got some evidence of him talking to you to back up your claims..i am curios tho how do you feel about him?
-michael
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2008): Sex and love can be two entirely different things, just because he masturbates to old pictures of you (how do you even know this!) it does not necessarily mean he has deeper feelings for you; he either finds you attractive or he is using memories of you together for his sexual needs.
People use words like "I love you" when really they are just in to the moment with someone. When you get together with someone new, you have a lot of great feelings and a lot of people confuse that for love. He probably feels now that he loves her, but I think if you ask him 10 or even 5 years in the future, he'll probably see it all differently.
He doesn't want to tell the other girl that he is still talking to you because she wouldn't understand and would probably either dump him, or ask him to stop talking to you.
It sounds like he wants to have both of you in his life, you both probably give him slightly different things so he wants you both.
It sounds to me like you are still interested in him? He seems to have some kind of feelings for you, but until you change your strategy he will continue having both of you girls in his life at the same time.
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A
male
reader, rproctor +, writes (5 May 2008):
It means he is scum. He is trapped in a world of selfishness. He does not care about anyone but himself, because if he cared about either of you there would never had been more than one of you. Do not fall for him, he is far from being mature enough to commit to a monogamous relationship.
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