A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am a college student who has come from the UK to America, and I just don't know what to do romantically. I am rather shy and anhedonic, so I have difficulty just relaxing and having fun with women. There is one girl I really like who's really fun-loving and excitable; but I just don't know how to talk to her in a way that isn't quite uptight and serious. I can be very confident and comfortable talking about serious topics: I just do not know how to flirt. I don't just feel uncomfortable; I actually do not know how to do that kind of conversation.I actually have very strong romantic feelings, but I have real difficulty talking in large groups of people I don't know, and she already has quite a large social network, having come here with many others from her high school. I take quite a while to get to know people, and generally only one-on-one, and I don't really know any of my female friends well enough yet to ask them for help. So I don't see her alone frequently enough to get to know her really well, and I can't really ask her out if I don't know her very well...Any advice on how to resolve my issues, or find a way to make my reserve useful, would be greatly appreciated.
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female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (27 October 2010):
 Wait a minute...You're from the UK, came to America to attend college. and you don't have a girlfriend yet? If I was that girl I'd be in love the moment you spoke with that lovely accent. Well there very well could be a cultural difference is dating or treating women in the UK versus America. I think we're just a little more loose and relaxed, kinda like our accent and English. Ask her if she would like to join you for coffee one day after school, or if she would like to have dinner one night..Compliment her on her outfit, tell her she looks gorgeous tonight, ask her for her number so you can call and text to get to know her, hold the door open for her, pull out her chair at dinner, talk about topics you're comfortable with, tell her about the UK, ask her about her life, etc. The key is to relax and just talk. Americans are very friendly people and very welcoming hence all the walks of life wanting to live here. I'm sure she understands you're a bit culturally different..but you can adjust within time. So yes you can ask her out to coffee or dinner if you don't know her, because the point is to get her alone so you can talk to her and get to know her better. Can't do that if you don't get enough alone time with her.
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