A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:A couple of weeks ago, while having sex with my partner/fiance ("fiance" concept is presently up in the air), I talked about having a threesome to excite him. HE went on-line almost immediately looking for that 3rd person. Hesitant to destroy the fantasy, I was noncommital when he asked if I would actually do it. (I now realize what a mistake that was.) He found a woman on a sex site (for hooking up with locals) and she sent a naked picture and wanted our pics. He took some naked pics of me which I deleted as soon as he fell asleep. But his obsession continued, and he took some "face shots" when we went out to shop for engagement rings - I later figured out to send to her. He also took nude pics of himself, and sent those with our face shots to the woman. I emailed him later that day saying "do not send pics to that woman, disease issues, trust issues, what if she blackmails us" etc. But the photos had been sent.Our relationship is very shaky now. I asked him to remove the profile and (clothed) photo that he posted before we met ("looking for regular sex") but he really hesitated about doing it so that he could "look at naked women." I said looking at porn is different than soliciting sex. He agreed, but only took down profile when I looked it up a week later to see if it was there, and confronted him with it.I have come to terms with porn, and even said if he had to have access to the website to look at pics he could change his profile to something that didn't invite sex - but I can't bear the thought of him cheating on me - for health and emotional reasons. And the more I think about it, the more of a problem I have with him even exchanging emails with someone - he got so excited before, I can see him being driven to cheat.I have low self esteem and some depression issues, and go to therapy. I asked if he would go to therapy too as we both obviously have commitment issues. He said he wouldn't.In view of how excited he became doing this, how can I trust that he won't "hook up" with someone behind my back????? I'm really miserable about all of this.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2007): If it helps your self esteem at all. Most guys are incapeable of pleasing two women at the same time, bring up the issue of is he thinking about both of you,or just himself. Also ask him to consider you having sex with him and another man at the same time. If you need him to think about trust and self esteem issues, pose senairos in the oppisite light. And see if the trust is really there.
A
female
reader, AskEve  +, writes (3 April 2007):
 If I were you I would sit down with my partner and tell him you've been having a good long think about all of this. Let him know it's unnerving you and you feel very insecure about it all. Set new boundaries with him! Let him know exactly what you ARE happy with and what you're NOT happy with. If he loves you at all then he'll listen to what you have to say and make some sort of compromise with you.
YOU are the one he's with, not all these online fantasies he keeps looking at! Try to spice up your sex life with him, take control and dominate him (if he likes that kind of thing). Sit with him in bed and ask him what he would love you to do to him and what gets him going then tell him what you love him doing to you. If you hate the idea of another person in your bed (3-some) then let him know that! Talking about it in fantasy is one thing but having it actually happen is quite another. Fantasy is usually always best left as fantasy as the reality is always a big let down. Tell him you don't mind talking about 3-somes or what you would like seen done to him when you're alone together to get you both aroused but THAT'S WHERE IT ENDS!!! You're confusing him just now, he thinks because you talk about it you really want it to happen so you need to let him see that it IS only a fantasy of yours and you have wish whatsoever to carry it out. Hopefully once you both talk and have things aired and clarified then you can carry on again as normal together.
Eve
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