A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been having a rocky time with my partner lately about trust issues and that.We have been together for about 2 months now and we both feel attached to each other. There is major trust issues between us.I've made mistakes whilst I was with her like I was just having a conversation with a girl before whilst I was with her but I wasn't chatting her up or anything just a conversation. She got the hump and we nearly split up. I spoke to her on the phone last night and she said she has been out with boys in a car and drinking and had good time etc. I had a conversation with my mate and he told me to not bite on it and let her play games and don't do the same because it puts me in the wrong as well as her.She told me on the phone about the boys, she was expecting me to turn around and fight back and say loads things about what she done but I didn't I just turned around and said I hope you had good time and I'm glad your happy tonight. She didn't like that because she wanted me to say something but I didn't.She told me on the phone as well that she doesn't want to go out and that because she doesn't trust herself and she don't know what she is capable of doing with other boys. I sit here and question myself is she the right person to be with and how can I trust her if she tells me this. It puts me in a depressing mood because I know one day she will cheat on me and it will make me feel like a mug for getting attached to her then getting hurt over it.I thought of playing games back and going and see my ex, but my mate said that was a bad idea and it would lead to a BIG mistake. So I won't do it and I'll let her carry on doing what she does. I'm going around hers tonight and talking to her about it but it just plays on my mind and I sit there thinking how can I trust someone if they don't trust themselves. I always thought if you love someone that much and want a proper relationship why the need to go out with other boys and tell me that you don't trust yourself. I'm not sure if she is just saying that to make me paranoid because I do get paranoid but I'm trying to keep it discreet away from her so she can't see my weakness.Any help at all? Anyone in the same boat?
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female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (21 July 2009):
 All this game playing seems very childish, if you both are serious about each other then this would not be happening! It seems like she is trying to make you jealous and wants a reaction out of you, which is something a very immature girl would do. Your chat with that other girl was harmless, and if someone is not mature enough to let their partner speak to a member of the opposite sex then the relationship is going nowhere!
You both need to be able to hang out with friends who are the opposite sex, be able to talk to members of the opposite sex....you cannot go through life only speaking to people of the same sex because you know it will upset your partner! If you cannot trust each other around other people then the relationship has no future - without trust there is no point.
I think you need to sit down with her and have a serious talk about this. It seems that neither of you trust each other, so you need to either agree that you will start fresh, and trust each other fully; or the relationship has to end.
Neither of you has cheated, it just appears you are both paranoid and get worked up over silly things. I always believe that you should trust someone until that person does something to break your trust, maybe you should apply that principle in your relationship. But it needs both of you to put the effort in - she needs to wipe the slate clean with you and trust you fully. She also needs to stop the games, and if she really believes she cant trust herself then she is not ready to be in a relationship.
You really must talk this through, otherwise the games will continue, your trust for each other will get less and less and then you will end up hating each other. It is best to talk now and work something out, even if it means ending the relationship. It seems the whole relationship has been very immature so far so now is the time to be mature about it and talk like adults, about whether or not this relationship has a future.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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