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female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes: I'm mid 30's and moved away from my boyfriend in june atfer a crazy uncommitted relationship from him. I'm single mum 2 kids. He tracked me down with undying love in august, promised me the world to be with me. came 250miles to see me at wkends but the wkends he didn't come he ignored my phone calls. 5th nov he packed up and came to live with us I then have found telephone calls to massage parlours he denies, porn on computer and text porn on phone in end of oct.how can i trust him when he makes me feel worthless? lies and denies, what do i do, should i trust or am i just cheap as no1 else will have him as he has herpes and calls himself a leper and i risk my health everytime i sleep with him.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2006): Eddie is right...there are neon, blinking red flags awavin' here and it appears that by writing into this site, you are taking the blinders off and have taken note of this guy's glaring shortcomings. And there are even some people that still get into painful, dysfunctional relationships that they knew from day one, was wrong. I think this is you. You know that, with all the what this man offers you (it ain't much)--you are really better off without him. I find it amazing how people work hard with the wrong person to attain happiness. You know you aren't happy but you are hanging in there because of your weakness to tell him--it's done, over. Abusing yourself, disrespecting yourself is a constant here. You are risking your physical health to sleep with him not to mention risking your emotional health to attain that happiness that will always be out of your reach. And allowing him to abuse and disrespect you over the long term, will not make you happy or feeling loved. It will just get worse until you are an empty shell of a person. So try to remember that with this man, you are looking for a happiness in a very wrong relationship. It's time you got back your courage, your strength and empowered your own life by not keeping this man in your life. You don't a need someone to validate you are lovable and worthy- you do that for yourself by living a decent life and doing good things. This guy is taking you down, dear. So take accountability for your actions here by owning up to the fact that you allowed loneliness and weakness to over-ride your common sense. Stop tolerating his bad behaviours and mobilize yourself to improve your unhappy situation. Get this man out of your life.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2006): You can't trust him, he makes you feel worthless so get rid of him. He wants you to believe that you're not good enough for anyone else so you will put up with all his shit! You need someone who genuinely cares and respects you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2006): I have a similar challenge. I think they take us for granted cos we have kids and that they think we are desperate. I also tried leaving my b/f but he'l call me after months and says he loves me and cannot live without me. I think we get attached to them and because we always take them back they think that they can go to other women and that we will be waiting for them. I think you should be firm and tell him it is over and that you don't want to see him anymore. It will be difficult at first but in the long run you will spare yourself the heartache. Find someone who will appreciate you. They will only realise what they lost when we leave them for good and NEVER TAKE THEM BACK. It will be their loss not ours.
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A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (8 December 2006):
 All the rd flags are up. You've said so yourself. What are you still involved with him for?
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