A
female
age
36-40,
*ovestruck16
writes:I recently stopped dating this guy, about 4 months ago, we had been together for 2 years. After the relationship ended, he confessed to me that he had been cheating on girls throughout the relationship. I am quite glad that I got out of the relationship. I have a new boyfriend now, we've been dating for about 3 months, he was a good friend of mine before we started dating. He is older than me, so he goes clubbing and to the bars every weekend (I do not see him on the weekends). The one weekend that I did hang out with him and his friends, his friend started bugging him about a girl he was grinding with at the bar the night before. I really feel like I can trust him, but even hearing that he was dancing with girls at the bars and not telling me, makes me feel like I can't trust him...I have had a really hard time trusting him in the first place because of the past experience I went through with my ex. How do I start to trust my next boyfriend? I do not believe that he will cheat on me, but memories always pop up about my last relationship now and I get extremely worried. And, a little more information - I am a pretty jealous girlfriend because of past relationships (most have cheated on me or even worse).And also, what do you consider okay when dating someone? Is it okay for my boyfriend to go clubbing/to bars and grind with girls? I just hate that I had to find that out through his friends =[
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female
reader, lovestruck16 +, writes (30 January 2009):
lovestruck16 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you both for the helpful advice!
I'm not really sure what to do still, I just feel really distant to him right now, because he can only open up to me when he's drunk on the weekends. But let alone, I can not open up to him at all right now, I have to learn how to open up my heart again & just hope that it does not break this time!
acd719, I have started to watch Tool Academy, thank you for the recommendation, but none of those guys just seem to be like him!
Other than the partying, he is a great guy who has a future ahead of him (unlike my ex) and I really enjoy spending time with him. I wouldn't mind if he went to the bar with his friends, except, the bars that he goes to are exactly like clubs...where we live, the closest actual club is probably downtown (a good 30-45 minute drive) so we have a lot of bars, but they contain bar stars & a whole lot of girls grinding on the dance floor.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2009): first and foremost…a guy has to EARN your trust…it is not automatic
second…i think it's different if a girl goes to a club and dances w/ a guy b/c girls just like to dance…if a guy goes to a club and dances w/ a girl it's b/c he's looking for some ass…a "taken" guy should def. NOT NO WAY be dancing with other girls
as far as what is going too far…you have to set boundaries for yourself and say when is enough enough/when have they gone too far…some girls can be pushed more than others…ask him how he would feel if you went out and danced w/ a bunch of dudes…he'd probably be pissed himself
i'd say if he's already acting this way THIS early in the relationship, it's time to move on…trust is a big one for me too…and for me…you're guilty until proven innocent…he'll say anything to keep you buttered up and from leaving…he'll only be sorry when he gets caught in the act…watch "Tool Academy" on VH1…see if anything feels familiar
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