A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've been fooling around with a guy (kissing and some oral) he doesn't want a relationship just fun, I have always known this, and i don't normally do this sort of thing but i do like him, he wants us to have sex and I really like him but I am worried I will end up falling for him, so I have decided to tell him that I cant. What is the best way to say this, he has a bit of a rep as a player, very smooth, so I don't want to come across as all cheesy and heavy, just i like what we do but sex means more than a bit of fun. Help welcome.
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female
reader, fi_the_tree +, writes (21 September 2010):
 At least you have your head screwed on enough to see that this guy is a player!! He sounds like a right creep and you're probably not the only girl he likes to 'have some fun with' so tell him straight, you're not interested anymore.
Go and find a man who will respect you, who wont use you for 'fun' Good luck...
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2010): If you keep doing what you're doing and that includes oral and he's a smooth player... I'm no mathematician but if you are always in a sexually charged situation with him over and over again then the chances of you eventually having sex (regardless of how strong your will is), well it's certainly stacked MASSIVELY in his favor.
If he's a player then you have to remember that this is their area of expertise... seducing a girl and changing that "no" into a "yes". He's already done the hardest part... getting through your front door and fooling around with you. If he sees an opportunity to escalate oral into sex- as a player, he's gonna take that shot- no matter what you say to him, it may even be too subtle for you to call him on it.
Can you honestly say that if he went down on you, teased you to just near orgasm then pulled back... maybe even did this a second or third time... that you're not going to be so in the moment that you might just say "stuff it, let's get it on"??
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (21 September 2010):
 Don't have sex with him... He doesn't want a relationship, and sex to him means nothing. So you definitely should not have sex with him. Especially as you already like him!
How to tell him? You say "I am not interested in sleeping with you, and after thinking about it I am not comfortable with what we have been doing, so it ends here. Sex to me is more than a bit of fun."
You can't have this guy. So don't dream that you can make him fall in love with you and love happily ever after. He isn't interested. Move on. You will find someone else to like that is interested in a proper relationship. Just realize what you want, and go for it. This man is not what you want, so move on from him.
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A
female
reader, raiders  +, writes (21 September 2010):
 If you give in and have sex, than thats all you will be his sex buddy. Don't allow your self to get pressure into giving in and stay away frome the oral.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2010): You've just said it: "Sex means more than a bit of fun."
That's what you can tell him. If he pressures you, keep telling him you're not interested in having sex with him.
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