A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I'm a freshman in college this year, and I'm on my second roommate. The first was a bipolar schizophrenic who decided not to inform me or the school about it until after she screamed at me and kicked me out of the room for commenting on the room smelling like popcorn. Needless to say... I have a new roommate, and I'm having problems with her.Don't get me wrong, she's a nice person, but I have SO MUCH trouble dealing with her on a day to day basis. She's clingy, nosy, and wants to be bestest friends, because I'm the only person here who is civil to her. I'm not sure she understands that I'm civil with everybody, and it's no indication of how much I like you.At any rate, I am not an incredibly social person. I do not like talking. When I'm in the dorm room, I want to be left alone- that's why I've retreated to the dorm room. I also happen to enjoy eating alone. I mean, I'll eat with other people... but I'd usually rather not. I am also not an incredibly religious person. Believe what you want, I really don't care, just don't force it on ME.She is completely different. It's like words are her equivalent of oxygen, and since she annoys the living daylights out of most everyone else with her religious preaching (annoys me too, but as I said, I'm civil about it, whereas other people are jerks) she's almost always in the dorm room, and she never leaves me alone. She doesn't stop, and it's never anything I'm interested in. She goes on and on about her friends and family back home almost obsessively, and about her religion, and about famous people. I don't care about those. It sounds mean, but it's true. And she gets upset if I ignore her, pretending I can't hear her over my headphones, or try and brush her off by saying I'm doing homework or something. She doesn't stop until I listen to what she wants to say, and watch whatever stupid interview she wants me to see, et cetera, regardless of what I'm doing. She even woke me up once to talk to me about something stupid. Plus, she wants to go to every single meal with me. On top of that, she keeps guilting me into letting her use my computer for her math homework (the program she has to use isn't Mac compatible). As I said, she's really nice- I feel bad telling her "no, you can't use my computer because I'm looking up obscure facts on wikipedia right now."It feels like my personal bubble hasn't just been intruded upon, but exploded completely. I have nowhere to be myself but my dorm room, and she's making it hell for me. How can I tell her to leave me alone and keep her nose out of my business (she always comes and tries to see what I'm doing on the computer/drawing in my sketchbook/reading) without making her mad? I don't think she knows how much she annoys me by being so nosy and talky all the time, but she gets riled up very easily so I'm somewhat nervous about bringing it up.I can't switch roommates again... school policy. And I really don't want to anyway. Help, please?
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2010): I'm having a very similar problem with my roommate, however she's not religious and she's been getting very upset with me for trying to have quiet and be alone. She's a very awful roommate and I'm sorry you had to deal with her, but I'm glad to know I'm not alone. I'm a freshman this year, and I see you're now a sophmore. I'd love to know how this rooming arraignment ended up and any advice you might have for me. Thanks!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2010): Nothing else you can do except draw boundaries... She will be hurt in the process - but I don't think you have a choice.
YOu have already tried to brush her off - she does get the hint but then you feel guilty about it... So stop feeling guilty or trying to make her feel better each time you make your point. Let it be. She'll get the message.
Don't have a talk with her. A formal talk is a bit much. But handle each thing on its own. If you want to eat alone, with a book, say so. If you want to not watch something, say so. If you want her not to look at what you are doing, tell her.
With a really bad roomnate once i had jokingly created a line in the middle of the room saying she could not cross it... It was a joke but it was half serious. And it worked in making clear that I needed space.
You know, it may help to get a screen of some sort, like a room divider. You could make one yourself.
Hope this helps.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionUnfortunately, I can't room alone...I simply don't have the money. :/ Thank you for the advice though. As it is, I'm attempting to be an RA next year (single room, free room and board) but I still have a semester to go with the roommate.
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A
female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (25 January 2010):
 I think you should room alone.
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