A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:Hi like your views pleaseI am in the prosses of leaving my h/b as i cant forget him cheating and lying,my 21 years of marriage has been a sham.I hate myself for arranging all what i am doing behind his back as i feel like i am no different to him but i must for my own safety.We have 3 grown up children who have there own partners how do i tell them that all though i love there dad i am going to get a divorce? I dont no how i will get though this but i do know what my gut feelings are and they are telling me things will not change as i am a person who cannot forgive and forget i take things to heart and i belive a person cannot respect another if they lie,cheat,and take another person into the home they share with there wife when she is at work.My h/b is no longer seeing other women he was caught out and swears it will never happen again but he does not seem to understand my veiws that he has caused me to not trust anything he says,Its not about love now its the trust and i know in my heart i can never trust him again.Thanks for reading got to go now x
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2009): you are doing the right thing and are indeed very brave. you kids need to know the truth and they also need to know why the marriage broke up so that there is no blame shifting. yes, they need to know on the ongoing affair your hb had, him bringing his lover to your home and so forth.
the kids are adults and in fact i think they will appreciate honesty from your side. this may also just help them become better spouses in the long run.
yes, when the rust is gone, there isn't much then is there. i wish you love and peace during this dfficult time. brave woman indeed. as for your hb well, he will know that you are a fool no more. Good luck.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (21 May 2009):
 Your children are grown. So as hard as it will be for them you can be more honest, then you would with smaller kids.
I would tell them that you no longer can stay married to their dad, that things have happened, that over the time eroded the marriage and that you no longer love him the same way. That you wish him and yourself some happiness, and that no matter how hard you two have tried in the past you have come to the conclusion that you two can't make each other happy.
I would try not paint him as the bad guy, but I would CERTAINLY not take on the "blame" either. He cheated and lied. HE stepped out of the marriage.
I would be perfectly honest if they asked.
They will be upset, no matter what. With you and with him. Yet you two are still their parents.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2009): You sound like you are living my life only that I have been married a couple of years longer than you. I am also facing the decision of whether to stay or go.
There is no easy way of telling your children, but then you might find it doesnt come as a shock as children can be extremely observant.
Your kids will be okay, they have their own lives to lead and I am sure they are adult enough to cope with you divorcing their father.
I would suggest that you go and see a counsellor to help you to cope with what is ahead of you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2009): I think you are doing the right thing. I think that his betrayal has forced you to reconsider what he did and decided that you want something else. Someone who will respect you more.
Have you thought of marriage counselling?
I think you tell your kids - if they know of what happened then its easier. If not then you could say inconsolable differences. I suspect that they will be upset - but they will go along with it. Just tell them truth.
there is no real way to sugar coat it - just say "I need you guys to be strong for what i am about to tell you, its difficult can you do that?" then wait ".....I am not happy, i haven't been for a very long time and so i am going to divorce your father"
Star.x.
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A
female
reader, ilovebowsandcherries +, writes (21 May 2009):
 i am like you i take things to heart.
and of course after all these lies makes you wonder what else he's been lying about...
and when he goes out you think hmmm whose he with whats he doing?
and everything i completely understand all the trust has gone because you're just paranoid now about what's going on and what'll he be doing next?
with your kids theya re grown up and have partners so surely they will understand i mean you'll just have to tell them the truth about there dad lying and cheating to you and bringing back a woman whilst YOU'RE AT WORK! that is disgraceful!
surely they'll understand your feelings now and lack of trust towards this man....
they are grown up enough to understand and should support you in what you do.
Hope this helps.
best of luck to you.
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