A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My ex and I split up 10 weeks ago, he left me after two years together. I was completely distraught and slowly tried to build my life back up again. Two weeks after we split, he got together with someone else. He told me she wasn't really his type but helped emotionally, so rebound. He spent the first two weeks getting wasted and we barely spoke. I haven't been with anyone else. We've had huge arguments in the early days, one of which ended up with me telling him that I didn't want anything more to do with him, he rang up and apologised and we started talking again. This went on for a while, and we started meeting again. At first it was just friendly meeting up for a chat, but then we got close again, and the kissing and cuddling started. This was about a month ago. Since then we have spoken everyday. We've met up several times [I have seen him three times this week] and each time is the same, we're very couply and get on so well. His girlfriend is not aware that we speak, as you can imagine we do not get on, we've never met but she's spoken to me on the phone once which was not nice, at first I had no real reason to dislike her personally, but after that phonecall I hate her. I adore him, but I cannot cope with being the 'other woman'. I really do think we can make our relationship work, it's obvious that we love each other, we know each other better than anyone else and he makes me feel on top of the world. I trust him with my life. People have told me that my ex must be a complete pig, and I can understand the view but I think he's just as confused as I am, I can understand that our break up was difficult for both of us and perhaps his way of coping was to try and block it all out. I need to try and speak to him about us, I am not prepared to be second best any longer, but at the same time I'm terrified that I'll lose him all over again. I don't know what to say, or how to bring up the conversation as we haven't really spoken about it. I don't particularly want to be as harsh as an ultimatum, but I certainly think he needs to know how I'm feeling, because now I'm just not coping. I know there's a chance he may not want to be with me, and in which case I'm going to have to find the courage to walk away. I don't know if it does turn out he doesn't want to try again whether I should not contact him anymore at all. I need some advice as to how to bring up the conversation, what to say, and how to deal with the consequences either way. I want to do it face to face.Sorry this is such a mess, it helps to even get it all down. Just looking for some non judgemental advice as I can imagine that many will think I'm a terrible person.
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female
reader, clare123 +, writes (3 March 2008):
i wud just like to say thanku to these comments becuase i am in a similar situation but i stupidly had sex with my ex even thou he is still with this new girl and it has confused the hell out of me that hes still with her and then acting like he wants me bk. but ur rite he is just strining me along cus thats wot guys do and because us girls have feelings and get emotionally involved its really hard to see what theyr doing. but i know now i need to walk away becus if he realy loved me then he wud have left her but he hasnt so thers no point getting my heart broke agen so poster im suggested u do the same as me
xxx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2008): This guy is just keeping you around for his own comfort and is stringing you along, and you are letting him...I know it is the hardest thing to do in the world, but walk away, don't even give him an explanation, he knows what you want, he isn't retarded you don't have to tell him you want a relationship and you want him to get rid of the new girl....so don't play into the game of having two women fight over him, he is getting off on it....walk away and show him you are moving on.
If he comes back to you, then you decide then if you want him back, and ask for a commitment....he sounds too immature for a real relationship at this time, however.
Good luck and stay busy and start dating again (not rebounding by sleeping around, but DATE around, there IS a difference.)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2008): dear poster
don't be his bit on the side, tell him you are no longer playing the game he either splits with his g/f or you and him are over. Look him strait in the eye when you say it, tell him you will leave it up to him, and if he stays with his g/f you want nothing more to do with him your done!!
Give him 2 weeks but if he hasn't contacted you in 1 then be done with him, don't let him give you excuses. The only other problem you have dear is if he can cheat on his g/f with you, mabe you should consider he could also cheat on you, but thats another post lol
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