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female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: Once you are engaged, how long should you wait to get married?We are dating now more than three years and I'm longing for him to propose me, but think I would have wait at least an other year or even more...Recently I discoverd that he thinks, once a couple decided to get married they should do that as soon as possible. He would never wait half a year for that. I'm really longing for getting married to him, but once he would propose to me, I would like to get prepared for this big step. I'm not ready to do that now, because I don't want to live in an illusion. Because if we would end our relationship, it would make it much more difficult for me getting the idea of marrying him out of my head. So for doing the last steps of getting prepared, I'm waiting for him to propose to me. But also, once he would have decided to marry me, we would have to look for a place to life, a new job, soritng out our money and much more other things. I also would like to have a really great wedding day with a big party on a very nice place. For getting sortet out all this things but even more, for getting prepared emotionally I would need some time and not just rush. There is also one other problem: I'm citizen of a second country. I was also born in that other country and so lots of my identity papers are in this other countrys. When I last renewed that other passport, they warned me that if I would like to get married, I would have to tell them more than six month in advance, because they would have to order all my identity papers and so on and this would take a lot of time (they don't work very fast in that country :-). But if I would not order that early enough, I would los the citizenship of their country... But I would very much like to keep it!So how can I tell my boyfriend that once we would be engaged, I don't want to rush things? I would like to have enough time for getting prepared and I don't want to los my other citizenship just because I now wants to marry me? I'm allready waiting for him to propose to me more than one year and probably have to wait an other one, so why can't he wait for me, once he would be ready for it? I can't understand the problem of waiting an other half a year...
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2008): Thanks for your answers!
It is actually right, the official clearance is an advantage for me. I think, he would understand, that I don't want to lose my passport. But this is not the only reason. I just don't want to rush!
Deejuliet, I think your answers is very good, but I don't know if that would work, because I'm a too honest person. It is not easy for me to pretend such a thing.
Sometimes it's just driving me crasy, having to wait and don't know what's gonna happen. And as soon as he makes his decision, things go very quick and I have no time to get used to the new situation...
A
female
reader, deejuliet  +, writes (1 March 2008):
 If (and when!) he asks you to marry him you tackle the problem with a lighthearted sense of humor. He suggests getting married in a months time and you laugh merrily as if he has made a joke and say that although you cant wait to be married to him, it will take at least 6 months just to get your papers in order! Then you can grouse a bit about the slowness of the government in your country and how it will keep you apart. Then lament (lightly!!) that it is probably a good thing anyway as it will take you at least that long, and maybe longer, to plan your wedding day. Getting a place to have it alone can be a challange as they will most likely be booked up already for the next several months at least. You have so much to do! The hall, the dress, the caterer, the band! Oh my! It will take you at least a year to get everything in order! ;-) Are you catching my drift here? Instead of telling him you want to wait and have a long engagement (actually one year is not a long engagement, but a rather normal length of time), blame outside factors out of your control.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (1 March 2008):
 You will have to tell him that getting married for him is easier while you need more time to prepare for the wedding.
Your situation is exceptional because you have to go through those official clearance.
I am sure he will see your views after you explained this to him.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2008): Half a year isnt even tha long honey! I'm sure he'd pretty much have to wait that long anyway, to get the right venue and everything. Wedding's are complicated things to organize, and do take time. But you could always say to him (if/when he proposes) that you just want to take things quite slow. It's best if you just get it out straight, and don't try to get around the subject. I mean, if he loves you enough to be with you and marry you, then surely he'll wait a few extra months just to marry you? Your wedding day is supposed to be the best day of your life and I'm hoping he'd want to make it perfect for you. So honey, don't settle for second best because you deserve more, and make sure you tell him. Good luck :]
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