A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am a horrible person that has hurt ny boyfriend in the past. I have changed however and he can see that. He has kids to another girl that he only gets to.see every known and then. i feel like he still loves this girl no matter how much he tells me he doesnt. tonight he called me and he said that he trys to find out what shes doing.from his kids and nentions she is still single. He pushes me away sometimes and alwqys brings up my past. I love him.so much and would be lost without him. i.also know that i would like to have kids of my own some day but as he already has his own i.feel like i.cant have them.with him. we have nentioned it.and he keeps.me a secret to his family.and friends and always without a doubt makes me feel.worse when.i.come to.him and need someone.to.talk to he.always brings up his kids and makes out that they are much more worse i.dont know.what to.do. i.cant tell him.this.bothers me.without upsetting him. any.ideas on how to.tell my boyfriend.that his kids dont need to be in.every convo.we have and that the past is the past he should focus on now without hurting his feelings. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (21 January 2013):
 OP: Your "re-submittal" shows that you aren't really interested in a "solution" or "answer" to the question that you posed.... but that, instead, you are quite content to be caught in your "Catch-22".
Good luck.....
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2013): I am still a secret from his kids and his ex. They think he's lonely all by himself but he's got me. I can't leave this man, I love him too much, I decided to choose him. As long as I got him nothing else matters to me anymore.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (20 January 2013):
Why spend any more time with this guy who irritates you?
You need only to be in his presence long enough to say, "You know, hunky-punky, I kind of like you... but I'm not dumb enough to stick with you whilest you figure out where you stand with your ex- and your kids.... and you figure out who you are and what you want in your future."
That should put things in perspective for him....
Good luck....
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A
male
reader, Darrell Goodliffe  +, writes (20 January 2013):
 On this one, I have to largely agree with Jannipeg. It sounds to me like you have self-esteem issues (though I am not ruling out the possibility you did do something that was worthy of losing your boyfriends trust). Whether that is/was the catalyst for him mooning over his ex (his children are a slightly different issue, you cannot expect a parent to be anything but obsessed with their kids) the fact is to my mind this relationship is to all intents and purposes.
It isnt a healthy relationship for you or him. Its making you both miserable and he could well still be in it for the reasons Janni outlined and you are in it not because it makes your particularly happy (it obviously does not) but because you simply cant bear to let go and/or be alone. I think the first thing you need to do is make a clean break from this relationship (easier said than done, I know) and then slowly begin the process of healing yourself and then finding somebody who loves and appreciates you in a way current partner obviously does not - sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but good luck :)
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (20 January 2013):
 He definitely needs someone to talk to, but you are not his counsellor and you can't put your needs aside to attend to his. For some reason I don't see you as a horrible person in the past. Whatever happend in the past there is no need to punish yourself to stay with a person who obviously does not love you. He sounds like if anytime his ex wanted him back he would go back to her promptly. That solves the problem of missing her and the kids. The only reason he is with you is because the ex doesn't want him. His now is waiting for his ex to change her mind.
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