A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:How do you tell if you are being verberly abused by your husband??? Also when we are out with other people he ignores me and doesnt include me in conversation. He is under a great deal of stress. He owns three rest/bars and has several incompetent employees. He gets very angry times, and I dont think he loves me. He has so many outside interests. Is an abuser capable of loving?? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, RedAthena +, writes (18 July 2011):
 Two issues here.
Verbal NEGLECT-disregarding you entirely and not including you in the conversation.
Verbal abuse, which I do not see an example of in your post, includes yelling, name calling, intimidation, manipulation, deflamation of charachter, trivializing or demeaning you, lying, teasing, threatening, etc.
I believe an abuser IS capable of loving, even if dysfunctionally.
He should not be taking his stress out on you. Perhaps he can vent to you about the incompetencies of others, but if he starts taking his anger out on you, then you need to tell him "I am not one of your employees" I am listening to you and IM sorry this angers you, but I am not the cause of your anger."
As for not including you in conversation, does he introduce you to others when in public? If not, have you asked him to? Do you introduce yourself? Does he talk "over" you that only him and the other company would understand what is being discussed?
A
female
reader, dmartin89  +, writes (18 July 2011):
 Is he angry in general or angry towards you? Does he shout at you saying bad things about you? Or does he get angry and shout about his incompetent employees, and your just there to yell at about it?
Your husbands sounds like a very stressed out man. My partner sometimes ignores me when hes working hard, and I try not to let it bother me because hes trying to make a living and pay the mortage. He also has interests which I'm not keen on being involved with e.g. he flies small planes and rides a motorbike.
Tell us more about WHY and HOW you think he is an abuser. Sure stressed out angry people arnt nice to be around, but I cant assume that he is abusing you. Its a strong word to use.
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A
male
reader, shameless +, writes (18 July 2011):
 If he has a heart, yes he is capable of loving, the question is what kind of love can it be be? He might be manipulative, selfish etc. to answer your question if he is yelling at you all the time, calling you names, etc. YES this is verbal abuse.
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