A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:What are the signs that a fella is only after sex as opposed to wanting to start something with you.At my age i should really know but iv a friend who has been after me for years and we are starting to get closer as weve been talking every single day since we kissed at christmas. I have been out with him and other friends a few times times and we always ended up kissing. So how do i know if he is just after sex or genuinely wants to start something with me. I never liked him til we kissed and i really want him at this stage but am holdng off as to see his intentions.I should add that we txt every day and sometimes it gets sexual aswell as chatting as normal.Advice appreciated
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (17 March 2013):
 Talk to him.
Seems to me that if he really WANTS to date you he would have asked you out already?
Or HAS he already asked you out and you declined? If so, ASK him out. Do NOT ave sex for at least a good 4-6 months. DATE each other. Friends is one thing dating a whole other thing. So you kind of need to get to know him all over again. And the amount of texting is irrelevant. What you NEED in order to GET to know him is being together, doing things (not sex) but actual FACE-to-FACE time. If you both like art, go to a museum, or the movies, go shopping, cook together, have a picnic.
And I agree STOP with the sexting it confuses everything.
In all those years he has been "after you" have you dated others? Has he?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2013): Even if he is shy, even he is waiting for you to act, do you really want a guy like that.Do you really would want someone who can't even ask a girl on a date? He is shy? Well, just let him be shy. He is not shy to kiss you, isn't he, but shy to ask a girl on a date?
I personally don't believe in these story tales about a guy shyness. If a guy is interested, he will overcome his shyness and will step forward.
Some guys adapt this manner of behavior to never act on anything with a girl, but just sending her mixed signals, making a girl wonder what's going on. When a guy like that gets older he learns new tricks how to do it. He calls, then doesn't call, making a girl wonder why he doesn't call. He doesnt invite a girl on a date, but agrees when she asks him. I went through several guys like that and learned my lesson. The minute I see this behavior, I don't even get involved for a second with a person like that.
I think this guys just after sex. Don't give it to him, unless you want to be his booty call.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2013): Sit him down somewhere private and ask him what is one his mind? That is the best bet. Good luck.
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A
male
reader, JustHelpinAgain  +, writes (17 March 2013):
OP, if this guy had intentions he would probably have done something by now but he probably has a lot of hopes !
Does he want sex? Almost certainly. Does he want a relationship? Quite probably , but he must be shy not to have asked you out by now.
If you have known him so long he must know something about your relationship history, and you his. If you've had casual flings he knows about this may alter his expectations.
How did he show he's been after you for years? Why did you kiss someone you don't like?
Ask him out for a date and keep your clothes on, you should soon find out if you belong together.
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A
female
reader, sherrig +, writes (17 March 2013):
Can only tell you what I know, I met a man once, who was dating five women.He said no problem to my first refusal. Persued me furiously, and quit all five women to persue only me. Usually when a man sleeps with a woman, they move on quickly, take things slow, I'm sure he thinks you are worth waiting for. Good Luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2013): Simple OP, we'll actually take the time date you properly, get to know you and take you on one and one dates, want to spend time with you in person drinking coffee and just wanting to talk to you about anything and nothing.
This guy only kisses you and sends sexy texts. So far he hasn't made too much of an effort.
Don't have sex with him until he's earned that by showing a real interest. OP I can text someone while taking a shit, it takes a couple of seconds to put it together, it's not even effort so you'd be a bit naive to consider that being "an effort". As for getting a snog any time we're drunk, that's just convenience.
This is a bit weird though OP, you've been kissing and fooling around since xmas and he hasn't made a move to either date you or shag you. Maybe he's just worried about fucking things up or something and you need to take the lead here.
You like him right? Either text him or wait until next time you see him and just have a chat. Ask him why he hasn't asked you out on a proper date yet or if he has any intention of you properly seeing each other. I wouldn't go cold or aloof OP, it's been about 4 months and it doesn't sound like he's tried to disrespect you or pester you into sex. I think he may just need assurance that you'd like to properly date and see where this goes.
OP not all guys are alpha and frankly this guy has liked you years without making a move, months of sexiness and still hasn't, he's probably one of those guys who needs a little nudge to step up. So give it a shot.
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (16 March 2013):
 Hi
The way I see it is, he's single your single, you have mutual friends and you communicate daily, SO why has he not simply asked you out?
He must know you like him and are attracted.
I would cut back on the texts especially the sexual ones,stop kissing whenever you meet up too. Sounds like he's waiting for an invite to yours,for you to 'cave in'.
Be aloof, harder to contact,up your game so he has to work to get your attention, you will soon see his intentions
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