A
male
age
41-50,
*rankie1
writes:i got caught cheating on my fiance i guess i was running away from the commitment of it all. i cheated and i felt horrible after words but i never told her a couple of months later i got caught, now we're still intimate 2 months later i realized i loved her a long time ago but getting her to realize that i do love her is a real challenge now she tells me she loves me and we still see each otheir but she always refrains from telling me thought and always says if we dont get back togther iyt aint because she dont love me just wonderin on any tips to get her to realize how much i do care and how i know how big of a mistake i made
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female
reader, Wendyg  +, writes (3 May 2007):
 The damage was done the second you cheated. You know there is no going back,and in your girls head she's reading that you did it once, you will do it again. She maybe wasnt right for you or you wouldnt have cheated.
You have learnt the hard way Im afraid, having your cake and eating it is seldom worth the pain.
You may have to just grin and bare this, she may love you but she cant trust you. Without trust the relationship will fall apart no matter how much you love someone. you cant say anythign or do anything to make her feel any different about this, only time will tell. The good thing is she says she still loves you, but that my friend could just fade and you may have to accept that your actions cost you your future with this girl. If she does want to get back with you she will make this decision on her own, not by what you tell her... all she will see at the momemt are empty promises.
It sounds as though shes taking this slowly you say you are still intimate... to her she's keeping you close, but far enough away not to hurt her again... only time will fix this if she decides to take the risk. Until then you have to wait.... but for all you know shes not the one for you anyway, she may even decide after that time she doesnt feel the way she did and its not going to come back... you cannot make her feel any different, its an indiviual thing when someone cheats on you, its unique how you react to it.. some adjust and grow with it, others just bolt. There is no right thing to say, as I said the damage was done, and shes not ready to move on from it, shes just guarding herself. Time will tell.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2007): Cheater, cheater....
Of course she knows you take it as a big mistake. But was the pleasure you had from cheating on her a mistake?? Can a pleasurable feeling of having sex (i suppose you had sex) be a mistake??? Beleive me it's really not about her knowing that you've made the mistake. She knows it. It's actually about her and her feelings she's going to have from thinking about it.
She's up for some decision making. Either she stays in a relationship where she has to keep herself from not thinking about something that can make her sick for decades or to leave and find a relationship in which she won't have such cruel triggers like the fact that her partner cheated on her.
Question for you. Is a relationship worth it if there are things that can make you sick anytime?? Sick so much you can't even touch the other partner?? Is it really worth it??
Ussualy relationships after cheating almost never work out well.. they can work but it's not like it was before and this feeling drives many people mad so they want to escape from it.
We all do mistakes and learn from them.. some of us had the "luck" or let's say brains that we didn't have to make mistakes to learn such primary things like "trust" and "loyalty".
Be a better student of life next time.. you have time to get better
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A
female
reader, Captain8889 +, writes (3 May 2007):
you cheated and bow you have to pay the price. this is something guys should think of before they do the do!!! whatever it takes to win her back you need to do to prove your love to her. Even if it means getting her name tattooed in a painful area!!! Hmmm i wonder if my old boyfrind ever got that covered up???
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2007): Dear cheater,
technically, there is no way to ever really forgive you to become the closest of friends again, but you can still attempt to be "ffriends" You need to try to explain that it was wrong and why you did that. It was wrong, and you know it was. If she doesn't forgive, you, then you need to know that you tried. Thats my only advice. Good luck!
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