A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I been with my boyfriend for 3 yrs. I have very low self esteem and recently found out he spends most nights on dating circle websites! I don't know if i should be worried or not. I know if i ask him about it he'll just accuse me of checking up on him and not trusting him. There's been a few other incidents in last few months similar to this! I feel really insecure, but i know he wouldn't actually cheat on me, it's the thought of him talking to other women. What can i do to stop myself feeling this way?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (31 March 2008):
 Its called being soft really, but its a nice personality trait but also open to abuse mate!
Hope it goes ok.
C xxxxx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you guys! i am definately gonna talk to him about it and tell him what i think. hopefully he will listen. i've never been to good at standing up for myself and i've let people walk all over me for years but this situation has been really bugging me and messed my head up and made me realise that i do need to stand up for myself xxx
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A
female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (31 March 2008):
Hi again
Well, you need to work on that communication really. Because you need to have the right to express your thoughts. If its actually dating sites he's on, then you're better off out of it, but if its just chat sites, you need to get some more self esteem.
The site i go on are full of people, so i guess more like chat rooms, but i rarely ever speak to someone one to one. 9 time out of 10 its mainly groups of females. Forums they are called.
If he is on actual dating site thats not normal and i wouldn't be putting up with that.
C xxxx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2008): If you could lose your boyfriend over telling him how you feel about him being on online dating sites, then you were about to lose him anyway. Why are you holding onto someone like this? You deserve someone who is totally into YOU! I know it may be hard to believe, but men like women who stand up to them and put their foot down and ask for what they want instead of acting nervous and clingy and worried that he might leave them....it is your very insecurity that is driving him away. So start by getting a backbone and letting him know what you THINK about his actions....if you put it in terms of what you THINK instead of how you FEEL, your boyfriend being a man will LISTEN to you better....don't start out accusing him of cheating, TELL him you don't understand why he would be doing that if you are supposed to be HIS girlfriend! and go from there....if he leaves you, good riddance!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you for the advice. i still not sure whether i should tell him how i feel because he'll just accuse me of not trusting him and i could lose him anyway. i really want to be ok with him visiting online dating circles, i just feel like i not enough for him and he'll find someone better. i think if it was me visiting these dating circles he would go nuts! what if its just harmless fun for him and i end up losing him because he thinks i don't trust him or i could leave it and prepare myself for heartache in future! i need to sort my issues out but i don't know where to start!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2008): I don't think your feelings are unreasonable. I think the fact that your boyfriend spends most nights on dating web sites is....You are cheating yourself out of the relationship that you want by not telling your boyfriend how this behavior of his makes you feel less loved and insecure that he is planning on leaving you for someone else, tell him why else would you spend every night on a dating web sit intstead of spending your time talking to me?
Maybe say it in a less accusatory tone...something along the lines of "do you think it is really necessary for you to be on dating web sites chatting with other women every night when you and I are supposed to be boyfriend and girlfriend? Do you think you would like it if I was cruising the same web sites? It makes me feel unloved quite frankly and I want it to stop, or perhaps we need to start dating other people, what do you say?" Put your foot down, we teach other people how to treat us, you can't blame him for continuing to disregard your feelings and walk on you if you don't call him out on it.
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A
female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (29 March 2008):
Hi
Its a tricky one. I mean, i know i go on chat sites, but i wouldn't be interested in meeting up with anyone off them, if that makes sense. Thats probably how your guy feels.
I know where you are coming from though. Im not sure i would be comfy with it, even though i have the opinion about them myself that i do!
I guess only time will help?
C xxxx
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