A
female
age
36-40,
*otatochipsrus
writes:I'm not really sure where to start. I've never been in this situation before and I don't really have anyone I can talk to about it either. I've been working at my current job for about six months now, and I've become increasingly more and more interested in a coworker of mine.Now, there are plenty of problems with this. First of all, he's married and I'm in a relationship of my own. He's also twice my age and is one of my supervisors. I can't help how I feel about him. He's a really cool guy and I admire him in many ways, but these feelings are making me feel as uncomfortable as they are making me feel infatuated.I guess it's just a high school type crush, but what should I do about this? I really love my boyfriend and I know my coworker really loves his wife, but I get the distinct impression that sometimes he is flirting with me. I sometimes find myself going out of my way just to be around him and talk to him. He's touched my arm before and we joke around with each other a lot. He's become my buddy and I enjoy his company a lot. I don't want to lose him as my friend, but I feel like there's something more than friendship growing between us. I doubt he'd ever act on anything, and I know I wouldn't, but how can I go about turning this feeling off? I feel like an idiot for feeling this way, and even more like an idiot for admitting it, but I think about my situation a lot. Any advice would be helpful.Thanks.
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female
reader, potatochipsrus +, writes (11 September 2010):
potatochipsrus is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you, all of you! I feel better about the situation already. I want to still be his friend, but at least now I have a better idea of how and where to draw the line. I think, if anything, this has just reminded me of how much I really love my boyfriend. We've been together for seven years and we've recently become engaged. I think I might have just been a bit confused or maybe even scared.. but I've thought a lot about everything this week and I have a clearer idea of things. I'm so glad to know that I'm not the only one who has ever been in this position, and I know I can pull through it.
Again, thanks for the support, everyone. :)
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2010): Odds are if you do open that door to something happening, then something will happen, and you will regret it for the rest of your life.
Don't get involved with married men, don't cheat on your partner, even if they have cheated on you, and remember that you can cause a lot of pain, even with a non-sexual relationship.
Yeah, odds are he finds you attractive and is flattered by the attention, bored with his life, bored with his wife, and wondering what it would be like to be with you.
Read some things on relationships, affairs, etc, it's all over the internet.
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A
male
reader, Bobito  +, writes (8 September 2010):
 Darling. Just try and see him as little as possible. No good will come out of nurturing your fantasies.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2010): I think some women are attracted to older men because we have more on our minds than just trying to get in your pants. We actually take the time to listen to what you have to say and sometimes that's taken the wrong way.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2010):
I have asked this question before, and I'm still in the same situation as I write this answer.
When you are around someone every day you see another person as interesting, fun to be with, affectionate, etc.
You see all of these actions as personal and only directed at you, He must really want you yes? Not necessarily!!
After a while you go home and think about what happened during the day, what he did, what he said, how he looked at you and so on.
You look forward to seeing them again, on your days off you miss them.
This feels good inside, and before you know it you have become infatuated with the idea of it, especially if he is touching you and flirting with you in other ways.
I have agonised over my situation for months (I still am)to the point where I really need to know how he feels just to confirm my thoughts.
Do not ask him! you will come across as needy and he will know he has achieved the attention he wanted in the first place.
How do you get rid of the feelings?
I have told myself to not think anything romantic about him, interact in a normal way, talk about my partner, home life, and ask questions about his wife and children, but nothing else.
I think most of the problem is that you constantly wonder if he feels the same as you do.
Yes he probably enjoys all the flirting, touching and so on.
It makes us all feel good when we've been in a relationship for a while to have someone else's attention!
The difference with men is that they enjoy the sexual attraction and women make more of it than that (they allow romantic feelings in as well)
Try to tell yourself that he is only doing it because the attention is giving him an ego boost, and that he enjoys the fact that all of this makes going to work feel better.
Do not get to the point where you ask him about it, tell him how you feel, or give him any hints that you would go further.
If you do, he will pursue you even more because it will make him feel good.
All of it only leads to confusing feelings, causes loss of concentration at work and definitely gossip 'in the office'
And that's even before you have 'gone there with him'
If your feelings have grown deeper and you find out that he has only been flirting with you for the fun of it, you will be very hurt, especially if you allow it to go on for a long time.
Then you will be embarassed as well!
It will make going to work harder, rather than nicer because he is still there, and you will be left feeling dejected, rejected, gossiped about, silly for letting yourself get this far, and probably still confused anyway.
Imagine how you would feel if you saw him interacting in the same way with someone else, I have, IT HURTS!
Try to stay away from him more, be casual with him, if he touches your arm, just move away, I know that is difficult.
If you don't, the touches will move to your waist, back,etc, and move on from there and your feelings will grow.
All of this makes you think he has feelings for you, but if he has any, they will probably only be sexual excitement.
Do you want that?
Do not tell yourself that he has feelings for you by actions alone.
If he has any genuine feelings for you he will tell you!!!
Tell yourself that this is going on all over the World in every work place and that it is not special attention directed at you, if another attractive lady was in the building in your absence, he woould most probably be doing exactly the same thing with her, in fact if you watched hard enough you would probably see him doing it!!!
As I said, I have asked these questions before. I am still in the same situation because I allowed it to go on for a long time. I have waited and waited for him to say something, I know he will not, and therefore he is just in it for the attention and ego boost.
Stop your feelings in their tracks now while you can.
You will only get hurt..........I know!!
Good luck,I hope you can stay strong.
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (8 September 2010):
 Let's take a look at the cons because I see no pros on this one..
1. He's your supervisor meaning if you get into a fling/affair it goes bad or he decides it's over..
A. He could get you fired.
B. It could leak out getting you fired.
a. Or it could start a whole red book party, interviewing you and him to death about the alleged affair making you want to quit.
b. Or he could get fired then everybody snubs you deeming you the office slut.
2. He's got a wife and a life, you don't want to ruin it.
3. You have a boyfriend.
4. If you get involved with a co-worker it turns bad you still have to see them 5 days a week everyday.
Keep all that in mind next time he touches your arm or you find yourself thinking about him. It's just not ideal...He's officially taken and you are taken as well.
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