A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm a 30 year old woman that has on the outside everything going for her 1.hearh 2. A family especially a love sister and a sown what great materialistic things such as looks- money- and a great job. Even though my life seems structured and great on the outside i feel that none of this I appreciate becaus I'm too busy chasing men. I have been only one serious relationship which ended in me leaving after so mcih control and verbal abuse. The last one was short lived - I went to therapy and I have for a while and I have been told I'm too much of a pushover- I give too much to men and that my life shouldn't revolve around them 24/7. - my thought revolve around my exes even though they were bad boyfriends I just can't stop thinking about them - fantasizing about getting into the next relationship- I tried to go out with my old friends but their priorities is men too and chasing them- I tried to read books and get out but I can't stop my obsessive thoughts and worrying . I equate marriage to happiness and I just can't stop this insanity - I have hit rock bottom and I realize these thoughts are what got me here- had anyone been here and programmed their mind to change - please be kinds and thank you
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female
reader, NORA B  +, writes (31 August 2016):
This is very difficult for you right now,but yes you will see the light.Do you know you are half way there,because by writing this letter YOU YOURSELF know that you need help.Here is a saying....What lies behind and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.[By Ralph Waldo Emerson] Would you consider trying to stand outside your situation, and looking in so to speak.and see what you think.However hopefully you will also consider having a chat with a counsellor.Remember you are a young attractive woman with the hope of meeting a Special guy who is the right fit for you at all levels.Kind regards Nora B.
A
male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (23 July 2016):
I've noticed similar situations in others. People like you tend to indeed be pushovers because the only challenge is really converting broken people to be potential partners. The difference is that the broken people don't really see the relationship as "the only thing" because, in their own right, are worried about progressing in their own life as well. They get annoyed and begin to take advantage, since that is human nature after all. Anyway, I might be over generalizing.
Since your brain thinks that this is all there is to life, you should retrain your brain. I would advise to pick up some things like might challenge you physically, or mentally. Anyone can tell you that there is more to life than relationships. You are still young and you might feel the burden of trying to play catchup in life. You may not be well enough to offer someone else happiness if you aren't happy enough with yourself. What about some hobbies like painting, rock climbing or challenging yourself in a group like charity drives and those things. Lord knows, a lot of people need help, not just your bad ex bfs.
Most importantly, don't blame yourself too much. Sometimes, not everything works out and that's just how it is. Maybe you just haven't met a decent guy to show you the right path. I hope you can find the inner peace you are searching for.
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