A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I am married and obsessed with a guy 20 years younger than me. We are both taking a class together a few times a week and up until recently, drove together. We sit at the same table and used to have a lot of fun but that has deminished as well. We no longer drive together because my husband sensed something was up and I ignored the signs and denied anything was going on.Okay, I have come to realize I have been having an emotional affair with this person and when I began having problems with my husband he has backed off a lot which I KNOW if the best thing but heres the kick.I am hurting so bad! I know what I need to do but I am having a hard time doing it! We are in the same class so I am forced to see him there. We are in the same town and I see him from time to time and we are involved in the same town organization so I see him there occasionally too.He is being the adult here and I am being the little schoolgirl which is also driving me nuts.I cry, I think of him, I miss what we had and know I need to focus on my marriage but how?How long does it take for the hurt to go away? How can I make these feelings go away faster? Part of the reason I am avoiding breaking all contact is because of how much I hurt now just backing off. I can only imagine how it will feel if I completely break all ties!I am being eaten up inside and feel consumed. I stopped texting unless it is a legitimate reason. My whole body aches. There was no physical contact but the emotional one was so strong. I am now in a panic and need to end this feeling before I go insane! I own up to what I did being wrong and admit the "affair" I had. I know for the sake of my family it has to end but I am finding it so hard!HELP me end this and stop the pain I feel!Should I tell him how I feel and that I need it to stop or just go on? He does know our contact needs to stop, he has stopped texting me and in some instances ignores me which hurts even more....
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female
reader, dearkelja +, writes (2 October 2008):
 Ask yourself what is missing in your life. What void is this younger man filling for you. If your marriage is stale, then yes, work on it or get out. For me, the fact that you are seeing him is prolonging what I think you need to do...cut off all contact..avoid him and get back to your life. You are just inflicting this pain by seeing him everyday and you need to realize that you have put him in a very ackward position as I am sure he was just thinking you were being friendly. Do NOT tell him how you feel, you are married. Besides, he has already sensed the ackwardness and has himself tried to cut the ties. If you must finish your class then be adult about it and leave the poor guy alone. But if you continue to see him everyday it's like pouring alcohol on an open wound so of course it's going to continue to fester.
A
female
reader, hlskitten  +, writes (2 October 2008):
 I cant get my head round people not getting out of dead end r/ships or marriages before embarking on new ones. So complex and destined to fail! No one is perfect no, but by your age one would think you had your head screwed on a tad more!
C xxxx
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