A
female
 ,
*atzkitten
writes:how can i stop myself gettin hurt by evry lad? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (19 October 2006):
 It is all about self respect and liking yourself enough not to need other people. Everyone feels lonely sometimes but a lad...any random lad...will not fill that void so by all means date lots of guys but don't get deeply involved with them until you are sure about their character. You have to keep reminding yourself that you deserve someone special. If boys are treating you badly it is because you are allowing them to do so - don't get into situations where you keep going back for more punishment. If someone is horrible to you just walk away and realise it is their loss. Being content with being single is the first step to finding a happy relationship with someone eventually - it is a cliche but you really do meet the right partner when you are least expecting it. Take care!
A
female
reader, stina  +, writes (18 October 2006):
 Hello Katz,
I'm not sure what you mean by getting hurt. Maybe you just need to get to know these guys a little better before trying to make anything serious out of a relationship. Make sure that you mesh well as friends before romantic partners.
I would be able to help out a little more if you had more details in your post. This is the best I can do for now, though.
Take care.
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A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (18 October 2006):
 Hi katzkitten,
Sounds like you have been hurt enough.
I would say it comes down to two things.
1)Unrealistic expectations
2)Choosing the right people
1) I counsel men who are in the same pain you express, and the biggest reason is the unrealistic expectations that the next person they meet is going to be "perfect". People are human. Men and women are human. You can not expect pefection. We all screw up. Some more than others. When going into any relationship, there are some basic expectations such as, I am not going to violate you, and I expect you not to violate me. Then there are extra expectations such as: It is your job to make me happy, and NEVER let me down. This just is not realistic. Even your closets friends and family will hurt you at some point. That is part of what relationships are all about.
as for (2)....
People tend to lead with their hearts, and sometimes how this person makes you feel is more important than how they treat you. That is the case with many women that have been abused. Part of stopping yourself from getting hurt by every lad, is to CHOOSE men that treat you well even if they don't give you that emotion you seek at first.
Teaching a man to address ALL your emotional needs is something I do everyday. THAT is the part of the relationship that you get to build together, and grow together with. I give semianrs on this stuff and even wrote a book entitled Everything Out of HEr Mouth is a Test: A Man's Guide to the Emotional Needs of Women. Franktalks.com
I am telling you that it is possible, and I have helped create solid marriages on this principle.
Take care of yourself.
-Frank B Kermit
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2006): Hi there ...sound like you have been hurt and been out with some guys that have perhaps ruined your self- esteem and confidence. My advice is to start believing in yourself more , smile more and start to remember that not all guys are " bad guys " !
It comes from your own self esteem .....if you radiate a little self - confidence , and know that you are worthy of being in a happy relationship ....you will attract the right type of guy .
Also don't look back at the hurt, move on and forward . Why not try a Dance or Drama class with friends and build up that confidence . Good Luck !!
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