A
female
age
30-35,
*ocketWrites
writes:My boyfriend is turning 20 in July and i'm 18. To keep the story short i will just say that he doesn't know where he wants to live because he doesn't want to miss a big opportunity. He has a choice of living in the state we both live in, or a state which he used to live in years ago and still has friends in. We do not live together and have been dating for two years. He went to visit his old hometown to see how things were. He has been there since June 5th and won't be coming back till June 21st-22nd. We haven't been away from each other this long before and it's an awful feeling i can't get used to no matter how hard i try. I'm pushing him away and i'm well aware of it. I can't stop myself from texting or calling him. He is three hours behind my time and it's making things difficult. It's hard for me to get to sleep without hearing his voice. I know this is just a visit and i know he wants to have fun. I'm ruining it and it's because i'm so in love him that i'm terrified of losing him. I can't move anywhere with him yet. I have a job and am in school. He loves me too, don't get me wrong, but he told me that i'm smothering him. I feel like i need reassurance and comfort but he just gets angry. I know what i'm doing is wrong. Please explain to me what i can do to help me stop and fix things. He means everything to me. If he decides to move, then i need to fix this problem i didn't know i had. Please no mean comments. This is really eating at me and is making me sick. Thank you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2010): I agree with Youwish's answer. If you feel like sending him something, write it but don't send it! I know, it's very hard though. Do look at this thread on here also:
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/how-do-i-stop-being-needy-and-clingy.html
There is some great advice on there how to overcome being needy :)
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (13 June 2010):
 Many people have been in your shoes. Your dilemma is caused by you unconsciously expecting your boyfriend to meet your emotional needs. You need him like an addict needs heroin - more and more and it's never enough. He could tell you he loves you, and you need MORE emotion from him.
I won't be be mean to you because you're already in enough pain, and I understand that. Most of the best love songs out there are written by people who are in your situation. And that's my suggestion. Instead of smothering him and being terrified, channel that energy into something you like to do. Expand your life experience.
You said you were in school? Take an extra course that you'd think is outrageous, like meteorology (just pulling something out of thin air!) or cooking! Take yoga or join a health club and get that nervous energy out in sweat.
Also, and this you HAVE to do, stop ALL communication with him. Texts, calls, emails, Facebook comments. If you feel the urge to write him, write an email in a word document, but don't send it. Call a good friend instead of him. Boy will you throw him for a loop. Then, when he calls YOU, as much as you want to flood him, keep it short and mysterious, and you be the one to end the call. You'll drive him crazy!
Regardless of the final future between you two, you have to wean yourself off of him. It's unhealthy to be too attached to someone to the point of obsession, and it'll do you and him, and all of your future relationships some good by doing this.
Relationships are like the ocean. There's high tide and low tide. There are ebbs and flows. It's damaging to a relationship to try and maintain the super intense initial rush, and try to push for it when it might be time for a lull. If you can learn to read relationships like that, you'll never feel the way you're feeling ever again.
Lastly, be confident in yourself. You don't have to worry about keeping the right guy's attention. :)
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