A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:A few months ago my gf and I split up. I posted a question about my situation dealing with it on here already http://www.dearcupid.org/question/i-want-to-forget-her-but-ive-done.html The short, short version is that she started dating one of her friends who I don't care for and I pretty much have tried to forget that she exists and that I ever met her.Because of all this I've become quite cynical about relationships and love in general. I don't want to be in a relationship and I want to go out of my way to avoid one. I really want to make myself into one of those guys who doesn't feel any emotional attachment to a girl (and before you say anything I'm not going to be disrespectful or mistreat women in any way I just want to get to the point where I'm not developing feelings for every good looking girl who I enjoy spending time with that I date a few times). I can't help but think about how wonderful things were with my gf for the first year we were together and it makes me feel kind of sad sometimes. I hate love right now. The saying "it's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all" is pure crap. I would rather I had never fallen in love with any of the girls I've been in love with. In the end the pain it causes is worse than the pleasure it gave me.But despite all of this I can't make myself become completely devoid of these feelings. I end up having to consciously fight it. One day I think I will find a woman that is so amazing I can't resist, and when that happens I'll take it from there. But until then I want to stop developing emotions for women but I'm the kind of guy that tends to get emotionally attached by my nature. How can I stop this? How can I prevent these feelings? Or at least stop them from having such sway over me
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI appreciate the advice...the problem for me comes from the fact that I don't want a relationship right now. LLindy87 said, I'm trying to take some time for myself. But obviously that doesn't stop me from being attracted to women and wanting to fool around a bit.
I'm sick of relationships because I feel like putting myself out there isn't worth it because sooner or later I'm going be caused a lot of pain by that person, or realize that it was a waste of time. But that doesn't stop me from missing the good parts of a relationship. At the same time I don't want one. This is where the big problem comes in, I tend to find myself developing feelings because I miss the positives of having a gf but at the same time I really really don't want one.
I feel like I really can't win in this situation so I figure I should try and just find some way to cope with these feelings and leave it at that.
A
female
reader, Blue Sahara +, writes (2 July 2010):
 I think you need to realize that love has a huge power over your heart and so you need to be careful. Cause I don't think you have it in you to become one of those guys who just has casual relationships.
The guy I'm with now was royally screwed over by the woman he loved and after that he tried to make all his relationships casual and it just didn't work. He eventually fell for the girl at some point and wanted more. By the time I met him he was very jaded to love and had chosen to be alone rather than keep getting his butt handed to him by women. He was very guarded by the time he met me. I would say inappropriately so since he just stopped trust all women, not just certain women. And it took me way longer than it should have to earn his trust.
Seeing him and what he went through I wouldn't advice going to the "casual guy". Cause that guy can do things like have sex and walk away. If you are anything like my boyfriend, there is no way you can do that.
I just think you need to take it slow, start looking at the woman, not what the woman offers you. If you look at every woman thinking she has the power to give you love and happiness, then that's how you are going to get in trouble. Go on a date with a girl and if she is starting to read as selfish or vain or someone who isn't loving, walk away. She isn't going to give you what you want. Make sure you are looking for a woman that is amazing, not just a woman you can pretend is amazing so you can stop looking.
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A
female
reader, LLindy87 +, writes (2 July 2010):
 it sounds like you should focus on yourself for awhile. you are hurt and not over your ex. you will get pass this. Don't become bitter, life won't become better if you throw away your emotions. You may end up leading girls on, despite you saying thats not your intentions to hurt anyone, but if you pursue dates, whats the point in that if you aren't interested in a relationship? focus on you until you're ready again to date.
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