A
female
age
30-35,
*reamie Tofu
writes:Ive known my boyfriend for a very long time now like almost 6 years since i was 12 . I love him a lot. I think if theres a word that means more than love thats how i feel for him its just unexplainable. The problem is he gets jealous and assumes to much. He is constantly thinking im going to cheat on him and no NOT once i had any contact with any guy when i was with him. Lets say when i dont pick up his phone calls and finally i did the first thing he will say is Were you talking to another guy?! and i would say No i didnt he would keep going like yes you did i knoe you did dont lie to me why are you such a good liar how can you lie without even thinking. And each time im trying to explain myself he wont listen he just keeps pushing my pain further to the limit i cant bear with. I told him many times that it hurts me REALLY bad cause he does it alot alot and alot! At the end of every incident he becomes this sweet prince every girl wants and he does anything i want and tries to make me happy. But in just a few hours or just the next day it turns back to the normal routine. But when we talk about it when were calm he tells me..i dont know what to do i keep assuming and i dont want you to cheat on me im scared and like your the girl i want to marry.Please help me and give me advice on how i can make him stop assuming too much. He never hit me once but im scared if this keeps going it will happen.
View related questions:
jealous, liar Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2008): I would recommend that you ask this young man to seek counselling. This jealously is not even about you personally. It's something he's dealing with internally that needs to be addressed. Until he gets help, he will be that way with every one he dates. I'm much older than you. I dated someone when I was your age. He was very insecure at that time. I met him many years later and he seemed to be a very secure man but the longer we dated, I realized he had the same insecurities and he continuously accused me of cheating on him and wanted me to spend all of my free time with him. Needless to say, I am no longer with him because I found he was so insecure he was going through my purse, trash, etc to see what he could find to prove I was cheating. The final straw was when I learned he had left a tape recorder in my home. You need to let this young man heal before continuing your relationship
A
male
reader, Replacement  +, writes (28 August 2008):
 Often when a person is suspicious of his or her partner, it is because they themselves are doing something wrong. Maybe he talks to other girls and assumes you are doing the same. He's projecting his guilty conscience onto you and accusing you of it to deflect from himself. It's not 100% for sure, but there's a good chance, so maybe you should inspect HIS behavior and see if he's sneaky or anything.
Or he might just be insecure, have had bad experiences... have you ever given him a reason not to trust you? If this is the case and the cycle is becoming abusive (you're afraid he might harm you physically) then for your sake (and his in a way), you should end the relationship at least temporarily while he gets counselling. If/when he has himself under control, then maybe you can consider moving forward with the relationship but if he's intimidating you, then you should save yourself before it gets too late.
...............................
A
female
reader, happytochat  +, writes (28 August 2008):
Hey hunnie,
What your bf is doing is very wrong.
He sounds like he may be insecure so this is causing him to have the feelings hes having. Has he been cheated on before? Has he had people lie to him alot before?
Whatever the case may be, although he has the right to feel how he feels, he does not have the right to treat you the way hes treating you. It sounds to me like hes disrespectful when he confronts you about his feelins which is not ok.
An important part of any healthy relationship is communication and each person having the right to express there feelings/opinions calmly and in a respectful manner. This is not how your reltionship is.
Your bf's behaviour of calling you a cheater and a lier, and then suddenly turning mr nice guy is a accurate example of 'the abuse cycle'. Go to this website which tells you about the abuse cycle and I think you will find that your bfs actions of going from being nasty and abusive, to really nice to suddenly abusive again fits the cycle.
http://www.fremantle.wa.gov.au/dvc/cycle.html
Keep in mind that although he may not be physically hurting you, this cycle does relate to other forms such as emotional abuse.
Sometimes you cant make a person change their bad behaviour. He has to first recognise he has a problem, then want to change. The hardest part is geting him to acknowledge that there is a problem and how he is contributing to it.
If you can do this, then he might change and stop his behaviour. But personally, I think you are so young and you shoudlnt have to be dealing with such a relationship that is causing so much pain and hurt.
Dont be fooled by his 'undying love' for you when he says he wants to marry you after hes just treated you badly. Hes doing that to make you stay with him. He thinks that ifh e treats you badly, then sucks up majorly, he will get to treat you badly and keep you still. You need to tell him that what he is doing is not on and no apology from now on end will justify what he does. You need to be firm and mean it.
Also visit this website which you might find helpful-
http://www.dvirc.org.au/whenlove/
...............................
|
