A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Well to start this me and my boyfriend have known eachother for about a year and a half before we started dating. We have been dating now for a few months now.We didn't have sex with eachother yet but we talk about it so we can get to know what we both think of it and so on... however recently we decided to look at a sex themed comic together. About half way through there is two girls on one guy and just out of curiousity I asked if he ever wanted a threesome. I could tell he felt nervous but he said " I know you don't like that so I wouldnt."Then I asked if he was basically saying he would like one but can't or won't because of me. He said hes sorry and he doesn't mean it so I just changed the subject.Now the problem is not with him but with me. I have a bit of an insecurity issue due to past relationships. Basically I dated 5 other men and about 3 of those cheated on me... what also happened was the 3 that cheated on me tried to get back with me claiming they were 'wrong' and 'stupid' for doing such things(some of them are still trying to get back after a year).I'm just... insecure about the whole 'men think about other women' too or wandering eyes.In reality it seemed like my ex's just went out for a quick fling and tried getting me back with no luck. Kind of like a threesome in the idea of a quickie. What I'm scared of is even though my current boyfriend said he wouldnt the question might be brought up in the future. I'm insecure about the fact we might have to discuss it again and I /know/ I'll say no to it... It's like I'm holding him back from a fantasy of his? If we get into this relationship in the next 5-10years will he be craving for a threesome because it's in his fantasies?I need help on organizing these thoughts and understanding them. I'm going to talk to him about it to get on a better level with him but I want some advice or input on this before I do.To sum up my feelings I'll just point list my emotions at the moment.- If he loves me why would he think about other women? Do I have to worry about wandering eyes? does the fact he fantasizes about sharing the bed with another make sex less important or emotional between us?- How would it affect our relationship if it possibly/maybe is one of his greatest fantasies? will he be temped to cheat someday for a quick fling? is this just a phase for guys? are any guys not into this ever?- I guess it might be a bit harder for me to understand since I can't even imagine myself having sex with more than one guy. It's always been out of the question for me.Sorry its so long, I wanted to give as much of an indepth look at it as I could. (Also excuse any typo's, its quite late and I am a bit tired.)
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cheated on me, insecure, my ex, threesome Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Helpful Hillary  +, writes (28 August 2008):
First off you’re bound to be insecure if three lads have cheated on you! That’s more than any girl can take and I hope the boyfriend you’ve got now knows about your past. Another thing is that to me it seems you’re not confident about yourself which isn’t doing you any favours as your worrying that he’s going to cheat. Many lads think about threesomes it normal were their concerned. But just because he thinks he wants to doesn’t mean he actually would. As for wandering eyes every human being on the planet as them! That’s not something to worry about as long as you believe he wants you and only you. Also you haven’t taken the step of sleeping together which I think is nice to be honest, but after that step is taken (and only if you feel that it’s right) your boyfriend will be nicely occupied with you! Sex is a great thing as long as it’s right so after the talk you should decide if you should sleep together. Also many lads like watching other women’s bodies in porn or whatever but it’s not because they want them simply because that’s what’s gets them going if you know what I mean! Also it doesn’t make sex less loving between you two as you’re the woman he wants and he’s got strong feelings for you so it’s totally different to what he feels about the girls in the porn as their just for fun.And I really don’t think he will want a threesome that bad that he will cheat on you for it. It’s just something lads think of but that’s about it, believe it or lads like sleeping with girls they have feelings for (they won’t admit like!) because it makes them feel special. You’re not holding him back at all because you’re his girl and if he wanted it that bad he would have done it already he wouldn’t have waited until he was relationship and then fell in love with the girl and then ask her to sleep with someone else! When you’re going to speak to him explain that you know men look at other women but you want to know if he’s only interested in you and also make it clear you’re not having a threesome and I’m sure he will be fine with it. Also be in a comfortable environment when talking to about all this it makes it so much easier! Good luck
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