A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've been seeing a younger guy since the beginning of the year, both of us have been hurt in relationships and so we agreed to keep it "simple" between us. I've been on call for him emotionally and I thought that we had quite a strong friendship between us until I found out I was pregnant. We both agreed that we couldn't take the pregnancy further as I have some personal issues that need resolving and he needs to see the world but before I got to that stage I miscarried. He wasn't there for me in any way shape or form. I have since found out that his absence was due to him dating another girl, he lied about this until I told him that I had had a good male friend around to talk through some of my issues with. The big issue I have is that he has not been there for me in the way I have been there for him and he has lied when he has no reason at all to. He lied to me last night and although it was insignificant I had to bring it up with him, which made him put the phone down on me. Now this is my fault for "pissing him off". The amount of times he has pissed me off is unreal, but I can't seem to stay mad with him!!! He is now refusing to speak to me because he is out but I miss him and I want to clear the air. I just wish that all this serious stuff hadn't happened because we got on so well before that. Any one got any ideas on how I can stop missing this fool because I know I deserve better? Also he now says that he is gutted about the pregnancy and that of he could do things differently he would. Also that if I was he age he would definitely ask me to marry him, I'm 9 years older, the cheeky ass hole. Just for the record I would decline his proposal, honest! Thanks guys :) x Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2012): Oh and he's not ignoring me now but he is still peed off with me and it's quite evident that he is trying to teach me a lesson haha xx
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2012): Thanks guys :) I'm really going to try and take some time out, maybe be a bit civil, we work for the same company but different locations. I know that we both need someone else but letting go is hard and perhaps I'm not allowing myself time to acknowledge the pregnancy and come to terms with the miscarriage as i know ive been ignoring it. I'm sure it will all work out in the end though. Thanks again :) xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2012): Well you've basically identified something for sure - and that is you deserve better than him, so just keep reminding yourself that and concentrate on moving your life forward :) People fall for others all the time, promises, plans, etc... get made and then for one reason or another things just don't work out the way we hoped. I myself have experienced this recently, the rejection , lies and false promises hurt ... But its not something that time won't heal.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2012): Whether or not you wanted to continue with the pregnancy, a miscarriage is a very hard thing for anyone to go through, something which a lot of men find difficult to understand or get their head around. It may be that he didn't realise the amount that you needed him, or he was avoiding confronting the reality of the situation. Either way, he doesn't seem to be in tune with what you needed, or how to support you in the right way. The fact that he was dating someone whilst you needed this support makes the whole situation worse.
The whole "I would have done it differently" or "I would propose to you if this/that was different" is a line. The only reason he's saying these things is because things AREN'T different, so he has the safety net of knowing he'll never have to put these words into action.
If you want to get over him (you're right by the way you are better than him), cut him out completely. Don't talk to him, don't read the texts or listen to the voicemails. Delete him from everything, and move on. Yes, it'll hurt and you'll want to talk to him, but the more you resist the stronger you'll be.
If you want to "clear the air" be aware that, although people do deserve second chances sometimes, it doesn't always mean that they'll change their behaviour.It may be that in the future you find yourself needing support again, he's not there for you again.
Take sometime and think everything over without talking to him and hopefully you'll decide whether he's worth keeping in your life. Good luck!
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