A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:18 months ago, I ended an affair I was having with my neighbour. I was married and so was he. I not only ended it but told my husband, his wife, sold my house, moved to a different neighbourhood and never contacted him again. Even though I've done everything possible to finally do the right thing, I can't forget him. I am still missing him to this day, even though it was all wrong and he was a selfish, controlling, manipulative jerk. I need to not miss him anymore as it just plain hurts. What can I do to stop my feelings? My actions are right, but my feelings still aren't.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks everyone. I have been in therapy for the past 3 years and have been working on this as well as other things. So much fun. I have been doing very well, but I guess it really just does take time. He was the first person I had ever really "fallen" in love with. Not REAL love, but the big movie love kind of crap. Probably more like lust. OVER-RATED.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2013): You may just need a bit more time. It takes me two years to be almost over a love, and three years to be totally over it. Another thing I do, is when those feelings of missing them come up, have on hand a list of all the reasons why you are glad they are out of your life.
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A
female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (13 May 2013):
 Hon, you need to find yourself a counsellor who will help you worth through this. It sounds like you have done everything to try and make things right in your marriage, however there seems to be something missing. A counsellor will help you understand why you feel this way, and help you overcome the feelings you still have for this other man.It might also be a good idea to go to marriage counselling with your spouse.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2013): This is hard. You sound like you understand he was negative influence in your life, but despite that, you find yourself still emotionally stuck.
One thing I can recommend, if you can afford it, is therapy. This could do you a world of good and provide the relief you seek.
I think that a lot of times holding on to a bad relationship, has more to do with your self-esteem and your past history, and maybe you need to work on those issues. I would venture to say, if you are willing to do the personal work, you would find that behind most of your feelings for this past lover lies a great deal of unaddressed issues about you.
Good luck, keep us posted.
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