A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have a girlfriend i have been dating for 7 years.We love each other so much.we live on different continents but travel to see each other twice a year. We are not yet ready for marriage because we are still below 25.It hasnt been easy on us but we stil manage to make it work. I am travelling to be with her for the next 3 months. She has been faithful and I trust her. she now tells me she wants to socialise by going out with her friends to the club etc. this is unlike her in the past.I dont want her to lose it by going out which may lead her to cheat.i hope i am not been tooo jealous.I love her so much and we have agreed to get married in like 2 years.Advise me on how to make her feel contented by not bein the outgoing type so she doesnt make mistakes.
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female
reader, louweez23 +, writes (22 January 2008):
 You can't! If she's going to cheat, she's going to cheat and that is irrespective of whether you live on different continents or under the same roof.
I am married to a man like you and nothing hurts more than knowing that he doesn't trust me. He doesn't want me to out out with my friends to clubs either. I have no interest in any other men but if I was going to cheat I wouldn't need to go to clubs with my friends to do so. We have had big rows over the subject in the past and in the end he left me because he couldn't cope with his own insecurities. The only way we could make our marriage work is if I never went out with my friends, but that would make me very unhappy. I feel heartbroken because in my mind if he really loved me he would want me to be happy.
As it is I now just want to move on and find soemone who is less insecure.
So this could be your relationship in a few years time. Is this what you want?
A
female
reader, Devilish Angel  +, writes (19 January 2008):
 Trust is one of the most important aspects of a relationship. If you can't trust her to even go out, then that means you don't trust her. If you don't trust her, how can you love her fully? You can't stop her from going out. You can give her reason to go out less but paying attention to her needs and making it enjoyable to stay at home. For example, surprise her with something romantic. Treat her like a lady and she will be more than happy to stay home.
You need to stop being jealous because it only hurts her.
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A
male
reader, Transcowboy +, writes (19 January 2008):
 Part of loving someone is trusting them. She just wants to go out with her friends and have fun. That doesn't mean she will cheat on you. She should be allowed to love you and have fun at the same time.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2008): It would be unreasonable for you to expect her to live the life of a nun just because you want her to, any more than if she expected you to live like a monk. You can't expect to be able to control her life - especially not long-distance.
It all boils down to trusting each other and the degree of commitment you have towards each other. If you're both 100% trusting and committed, neither of you would wish to do anything to hurt the other.
You can't expect to force your will upon her, especially as you're so far apart. Both of you need a social life otherwise all you'll do is sit at home feeling miserable, and feeling there's nothing more to life than going to work, eating and sleeping. That's no life for anyone. Everyone needs other people in their lives apart from their partner otherwise life would be a very dull existence.
If either of you were of a mind to cheat, there's very little the other one could do to prevent it. If you try to keep her in a cage her natural reaction would be to try to escape from it, thereby defeating the object.
If this relationship has stood the test of 7 years, I doubt that another 2 will make that much difference.
Phil
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2008): If you love her then cut her free. She is trustworthy so what is your problem. If you close ranks and dont let her do her own thing then it will be like trying to cage a butterfly, cruel. She is a free person and shouldnt have to feel guilty about going out with mates. You have to trust her and i am sure everything will be ok. If you try to keep her in and have her do nothing then she will grow to hate and loath you and you dont want that. Stop whittling and get on with your life.
take care
xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2008): You can't stop her and if you try that is going to break you up, you say you trust her but by the sounds of it you don't.if you know she's been faithful then theres a reason to trust her right? just think of the good side she loves you and in 2 years wants to marry you! you can't stop her from going out with her friends reason being that will push her away it wont bring her closer to you, and she'll start to think whats it going to be like when I marry him? and you can't stop her from making mistakes thats something she has to do on her own.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2008): I don't understand this... You say you want to stop her from going out with her friends, and you live on totally different continents? So you want her to be docile and housebound, just for you?
That's ridiculous. Get some perspective.
Also I don't understand the point of long distance relationships, they seem so futile and unfulfilled.
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A
male
reader, Debussy +, writes (19 January 2008):
 Dude, get another woman, seeing someone twice a year will not work. Sorry, but them's the breaks. You'll get over it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2008): no offence but you are being too jealous and unreasonable. stopping your gf from going out and having innocent fun is just going to smother her and make her feel resentful towards you. you want to stop her from being outgoing so she doesnt make mistakes?? you love her she loves you, why are you holding her back and not trusting her? just because she wants to go out with friends doesnt mean she is going to cheat!!! wat you want to do is completely unfair and dare i say it, way too presumptuous of you. i have been going out with my bf for 3 yrs, we are happy and lead separate social lives as well as being together, you are older than me so i would ask you to grow up, stop being so insecure and enjoy the fact that your gf is fun loving and is enjoying herself. your question has really annoyed and frustrated me
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