A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for nearly a year now. He's really good to me and i love him alot. The only problem is i cant trust him at all, even though he gives me no reason not to trust him. I think this is because ive been hurt so much in the past. When we go out with his friends there is a girl there that he has a history with, and i know she still likes him. I dont like it when he talk to her and get jealous which causes arguments. I keep thinking that he must still like her, even though he promises he doesnt. It came to a head yesterday, when i told him that i think we should break up becauses i dont want to feel like this anymore. I still really love him though. Is there any way this relationship could survive? how can i stop feeling jealous and paranoid all the time? i know thats its me with the problem, not my boyfriend, and its gettin me really down. Please help!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, PsyCookie  +, writes (7 September 2008):
 First, you gotta know that this will be a long road and you will not get cured in one day.
You have to realize that your boyfriend is another person totally different from anyone out there. Not every guy is the same. Not every guy will try to put you down and cheat on you and he has proven this to you.
When you have bad thoughts about your boyfriend's fidelity, try to occupy yourself on something else or eat one of your favorite foods. Chocolate is very recommendable as it will triger your happy hormones and maybe forget about your worryness.
It will also be good if you discussed your insecurities with your boyfriend without accusing him of infedelity. Explain to him how a lot of people have abused your trust in the past and that although you're aware he will never do that, that your trust has been weakened too much. Also, ask him if he could assure you constantly about his feelings for you. These in-depth, heart to heart conversations usually bring closure to the person.
Also, everytime you have a bad thought, repeat yourself (loudly if you wan) that it's all not true. Remind yourself at these times what a wonderful guy he is, what good things he does... basically focus on all the great qualities he has and that he displays on you.
Getting your self-confidense back will be a long, hard way but not an impossible one. With the help of your partner you can do this.
Good luck
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