A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Dear Agony Aunts,I am having such a difficult life. My parents were separated when I was a kid and I always feel lonely. The problem is that I am living with a mom who has anger issues. I suffered depression since I was in middle school, and I would ask her for help or advice, and she would start off by yelling. Then I would reply and say that we really need a solution, because she confuses me all the time with her "lies"... not exactly lies, but she keeps changing what she said. She would say one thing at one moment, and say another thing at another moment. I just don't know how to resolve this problem. It is super hard to convince her because to her, only she is right and my opinion is stupid.My mom was always against what I wanted to do when I was a kid... I wanted to learn ballet and she wouldn't let me. I wanted to do some sports and she wouldn't let me. But she is still against me these days. How can I deal with such a tyranny like her?Please help! Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, chocoholicforever  +, writes (1 September 2011):
I'm sorry to hear about this difficult situation. If you're now an adult, then you have the right to make your own decisions for your life now, whether or not she approves she can't "not let" you do something. (unless you're still living in her house and financially dependent on her in which case I would make it a priority to become independent as soon as possible.)
Unfortunately, you can't change people, and often times people don't change. All you can do is change your own behaviors.
I would suggest not fighting with her anymore, because clearly that's not productive (if it was, you wouldn't be feeling this way now). If your mom has anger issues and is volatile and lies to you, then unfortunately I think the best you can do is just limit your contact with her, not to spite her but in order to protect yourself. And tell her that. If you're with her and she starts to become difficult, simply tell her that you are not going to engage with her when she is "like this" and then leave the room or house.
She will probably get even more upset, but you have to stand firm in order to protect yourself in the long run. If you can do this consistently, she may eventually change for the better when she realizes how her own behavior is leading her to be alienated from you. But don't count on it happening because it may never happen either. The point is that you must realize that you can't make her change, so all you can do is protect yourself from her impact, by removing yourself from the situation when it starts to degenerate and tell her why you're doing it so you're giving her information on what she can do to improve the situation (but whether she chooses to do anything with that information is up to her). good luck.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2011): Move out and create some distance - if this is at all possible.
Your a young adult in your own right now and need to spread your wings and be who you want to be.Try to do it in a positive way, tell her you love her and appreciate all she's done, but you need your space to grow and develop. If your in contact with dad maybe he could help with this?
In time you will find the relationship with mum will improve because you will be independant and not a child at home.
xx
...............................
|
