A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Okay this is my first question on this site and its kind of a simple question but requires a lot of background. So here goes: About 5 and a half years ago I started dating this guy. We were both real young at the time and he is my best friends little brother. He is 2 years younger. When we first met he did nothing but make fun of me but it turned into a relationship. Well after a few months of us dating which only consisted of walking around our town and not even holding hands or anything, my family and I packed up and moved a good 1200 miles away to be with my grandmother (I will never regret the chance to spend time with her). Well obviously that meant not being able to see my boyfriend and since I had just started high school I knew it would years before seeing him again. Well when we finished moving and got the internet back the first thing I did everyday was say hi to him. We were going to try a long distance relationship. Well soon after moving my parents opted to get unlimited long distance on our phone since we have family everywhere starting that day I called him everyday and we talked for hours on end usually until 2 or 3 in the morning. Well a year passed like that and in that whole time he said I love you once. Wasn't a big deal to me. But then he started to not answer the phone and long story short: we broke up. Well to make another long story short we talked maybe 3 times until about June of this year. At this time I was dating someone and had been for 2 years. Engaged and everything. Well the reason we started talking so much was because he was going to accompany his sister to visit me. When that didn't work out, my fiance at the time told me to instead go visit them since I missed my native florida so much. Well in the midst of planning this trip I was talking to my ex everyday. All the time. Well one day he texted me saying he had missed me so much and that even after so many years I have always remained his best friend and always would be. Then he said what really changed everything "I still love you, but I don't want that to change anything". He was also dating someone at the time someone he thought was his soul mate. Well I already knew I still had feelings for him snd they had never really gone away. So we started talking even more. And it turned into talking about how great it would be to just pretend we were both single during my week long trip. Well a week or 2 later me and my fiance had a huge fight and well he hit me one too many times, something I hadn't realized before talking to my ex, and I broke up with him. A day later my first ex broke up with his girlfriend because he came to the realization that she was slowly killing him giving him pills and such. So we decided to start up our relationship again and I had decided to move back to florida as soon as I could. My trip down there was amazing and we had our first kiss and since I stayed with him the whole time we even got to share a bed to sleep in. Well one of the nights we were completely alone and one thing led to another and we had sex that night I let my curiosity go and asked if I was his first when he said no of course I asked how many. He then said I was the 7th. It shook me that it was so high and him only 17. Well I left my trip the 1st of September and after a long wait and sad good byes I boarded a plane with 2 suitcases and went to live with my boyfriend. We live with his mother since I don't have a job and he's still in school but she leaves us alone and we sleep in the same bed even keep the door locked at night. Everything is amazing he never pressures me to have sex or well to do anything we have such a great time together always laughing and talking. My problem in all this lies with that number 7 and the fact he's still so close to the ex he broke up with to be with me. I know the number has nothing to do with our relationship but still there's times when we are in the midst of getting ready to have sex I can't help but think wow all these other girls did this first. I know we are so completely in love and he's the kind of guy who never wanted to settle but is now talking about marriage and our future kids. So my question (finally) is : how can I stop being so insecure about all this? I get jealous when he talks to his ex and his sexual history is putting a damper on that part of our relationship. Any advice will be great.
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best friend, broke up, engaged, fiance, grandmother, his ex, I love you, insecure, jealous, long distance, my ex, sexual past, soulmate, text, the internet Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, LOSTONEla +, writes (27 January 2009):
He needs to help you too - he should not mention the exs, and he should tell you how much better everything is with you - to be reassuring to you
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2009): im now breaking up with my girlfriend because she is to insecure the past is in the past ... leave it there. he is with you and that is all that matters
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOkay I don't think she was asking for critisism. Rather I think she was looking for advice on how to stop the thoughts.
I think since thinking about past sexual relationships is taking away from your own sexual relationship with him, try talking to your guy about it. At the very least he can reassure you that it is you he wants to be with and the others most likely mean nothing to him anymore.
It sounds like you have a true love story here and a great guy. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, krowto +, writes (30 December 2008):
 people go through stages in their life. maybe the sexual number of 7 was a stage in his. you shouldn't think about that because it is not important, if he wants to be with you and is with you then that is what should matter. let ur sexual relationship with him be because you love him, don't think about people he's been with in the past. it'll happen sometimes, but keep it under control. i've done that on ocassion with my boyfreind, and it's just weird. i just let passion be passion and let it happen because you love him.
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