A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I recently was dating an awesome person and long story short, I wrecked my chances with them and turned them off completely. It's unfixable, trust me.If this mistake was something I had never learned about before, I'd just say "I just didn't know any better, but now I know, no big deal." But unfortunately, I did learn this lesson in the past, but forgot to apply it to my life and really practice the lesson I learned. As a result I ended up ruining it with this person because I repeated the same mistake twice.I'm incessantly telling myself that I deserved it and that I am now missing out on this amazing person because of it.Has anyone else ever been in this situation? Please tell me I'm not the only one. I want to know that there are others who have experienced making the same mistake more than once and feeling that they missed out on a great opportunity. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (9 November 2016):
 People make mistakes on a daily basis, some learn from them and some don't. That is life. But you need to accept that you have made the same mistake twice and ask yourself what does it mean for the future.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (9 November 2016):
 ACCEPT that you are not perfect.
ACCEPT that the people around you are not perfect either.
YOU will make more mistakes in life, and so will the people around you.
NO amount of beating yourself up will make you perfect. OR others.
In today's dating "climate" of swiping right or left it seems to become second nature to NOT invest at lot in getting to know people. Why? Because it takes time. We want it all and we want it now! And there is ALWAYS the chance that there is another guy/gal out there that might be "better".
So many people don't know how to WORK for a relationship and when you HAVE a relationship HOW to work to keep it going - it's easier to either ignore the problems or simply drop the other person and move on to the next and next.
You think this guy was the "perfect" guy for you. Because that is what you have decided in your imagination. The reality is, he WASN'T perfect for you (remember? NO ONE IS PERFECT!) and you weren't a good match for him. IF you had been, would he have "swiped" right on a new girl as fast as he did? Would he have let you go that easily? No.
But you had hoped HE would be the ONE to fulfill YOUR dreams of the "perfect" relationship, the "perfect BF etc. So you put him up on a pedestal where HE could do no wrong and it's ALL your fault it didn't work. THAT is not how life works, it's not reality.
I still don't know what it is you are beating yourself up for doing, but honey? YOU are wasting your time beating yourself up. ACCEPT it didn't work, ACCEPt you could have done things differently and ACCEPT that NEXT time you will try another approach. It might work, it might not.
Don't create drama out of a minor setback. Don't make your life a soap opera. MAKE the best of it.
So this dude wasn't as into you as you had wished, Sucks, but time to move on.
HIS LOSS.
If this was your BEST friend who felt like she had effed up, would you help her beat herself up? Would you chastise her for what she did? Would you be all negative on her? Would you throw her a "woe is me - pity party".... Or... would you support and cheer her up and help her look forward not into the past?
It's LIFE - SHIT happens - we move on.
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A
male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (9 November 2016):
Hate to say it...but you will do it again. May not be the exact same way, but you will. Life always throws you a curve ball just to see if you are paying attention.
However...Sometimes it is not a mistake. Sometimes you are not suppose to be with someone. Life will try to show you signs to get away from that person. But if we are too blinded by our own infatuation...it will find a more blunt way of stopping the relationship before it gets more serious.
You may see that person as awesome...but maybe that is just a front, and the real person behind that awesome may not be good for you. So don't feel bad about a lost, but pay attention to the all around lesson.
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A
female
reader, PhiliGirl  +, writes (9 November 2016):
 What your going through is defiantly part of life. I cannot tell you how many times i have messed up, learnt from my mistakes and sworn i would never do them again, and guess what..... Did it again, more than once.
Nothing happens the same way twice, so sometimes we don't always see the pattern repeating itself before its too late. The fact that this is haunting you is a clear indication that the chances of it happening AGAIN are slim.
Just remember, you are human. Everyone makes mistakes. Its the mistakes that mold us into the people we ultimately become. Without mistakes, there would be no learning. And how boring would life be if everyone was perfect?
Try forgive yourself. Its the best way to move forward
:)
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (9 November 2016):
 Of course someone has been on your situation. There are billions of people on the planet who can mess up their relationships in all sorts of ways.
If you are experiencing obsessive thinking about this then you should look into getting help for that.
This does read like some recent question submittals so I'll look for those links as an aid to you.
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A
female
reader, singinbluebird +, writes (8 November 2016):
 I'd suggest explaining that mistake so we can help you thru that process but if its something embarrassing, i understand your need to keep it private.
That said, what youre experiencing is part of dating. Everyone makes mistakes. It makes us human and it makes us learn to reflect, and learn from our mistakes. My advice is stop beating yourself up about it and take what you have learned and apply it to next person. Part of life is it keeps going.
I also cant begin to tell you how many mistakes I made while dating. Many were absolutely embarrassing, some were minor, some were jaw dropping, some made me wince thinking back. But the wonderful part was also the lessons I learned, the people I met, the wonderful men I EVEN shared these stories with, the laughters, the tears, the friendship and even the love that happened. It made me grow to be person I am now.
Cherish your mistakes too I guess, It makes us who we are. Good luck.
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