A
male
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Hey dearcupid readers, Just wanted some thoughts on this. I'm a guy and I've been with my girlfriend for almost three years; we are still at university but living together off campus. I love her dearly but recently something that has been going on for a while is starting to irk me.My girlfriend is very traditional in what she expects in a relationship. She expects me to be chivalrous and generally lets me and expects me to take charge in decision making and planning. I on the other hand have personally take a more modern view to relationships, and think that women should aspire to have careers and contribute more or less equally in day to day life.Anyways, the issue I've been having is that I feel that she generally doesn't contribute enough to our lives and on the other hand asks to much from me in return. I almost exclusively cook and do the laundry for us because she does not not know how cook properly and doesn't feel the need to wash clothes very often. She doesn't know how to drive either and so I feel obliged to pick her up from work and Uni almost daily even though it's around a 15minute walk. Aside from the daily routine, I do make an effort to do special things for her such as offer massages regularly and do simple things such as cleaning up the house.I am more than happy to do these things for her, however last night i felt a line was crossed. We were leaving the library at night, it was raining and cold and we forgot to bring umbrellas. Just as we were leaving she insisted that I give her my hoodie/jumper even though I was only wearing a t shirt underneath (she was wearing a dress and a cardigan).I have no doubt she loves and cares about me but to me this was one step to far and I question whether she takes any responsibility in our relationship at all. Am I overreacting?
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (9 November 2016):
 If she was traditional then she would be doing the cooking and cleaning ect. She is not traditional she just wants a boyfriend who will treat her like royalty and put her before himself. Sorry but if she wants traditional then you stop with the laundry and cooking and see what she has to say. She cannot have it both ways. It is time you spoke to your princess and tell her she needs to look after herself. You are her partner her equal not someone who should be there to look after her like she is a child.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2016): Even in the old days women contributed 50/50 to the relationship. It was just in a different way. In general a traditional woman would cook, clean, do laundry and look after the kids. A man would go to work, look after the financial affairs and make the decisions.
Your girlfriend is lazy and doesn't take ANY responsibility which causes an imbalance in your relationship. It sounds like the rain incident was the last straw for you. You need to stop letting her treat you like a doormat and make her contribute. If she refuses to meet you half way then you'll know what she really thinks of you.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (9 November 2016):
 So why did you, a modern type of guy, choose her, a not-modern type of girl?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (9 November 2016):
 She sounds pretty spoiled if you ask me. But she is also of the generation where it's almost a distinction for women to not be able to do ANY domestic chores like they are "too good" to cook, clean and pick up after themselves. I find it ridiculous, whether you are male or female knowing how to do some BASIC cooking is not a bad thing, it's a life skill. Same with cleaning, laundry, shopping sensibly, making a budget etc. No one will expect a young person to be SUPER at it all, but they are WORTHWHILE skills to have.
I agree that you need to STOP enabling her. Start by having her help cook. Seriously, isn't it about time she learns? Have her chop things and open things, make cooking something you do together. Ask her to set the table if there isn't enough to do in the kitchen etc. I know it kind of SUCKS that you have to be the "parent", but who knows you two might have fun in the kitchen.
When it comes to laundry, DO YOURS - she can do hers. IF that means she has no clean clothes, OH WELL. If she complains, SHOW her how to operate the machine.
Her days of acting like a spoiled child are over.
I don't REALLY see the problem in picking her up from work IF IT IS on the way. IF It's not, then start to let her know in advance that you can't pick her up today so she will have to find her own way home.
As for the hoodie thing. I think she thought it would be "chivalrous" for you to give her your shirt. But it was also kind of thoughtless of her to think ONLy of herself, but then again with her entitled attitude did it REALLY surprise you?
STOP being a doormat.
Either she will "woman" up and start pitching in or maybe you will find she will start to fuss and pout because she no longer feels "special". And what do you do then? Well, you decide if you see yourself with a woman with THIS kind of attitude long term or not. And act accordingly.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim +, writes (9 November 2016):
 Don't drive her, she is a responsible adult and a 15 minute walk is no way excessive, if she is old enough to be attending college and living with a male she is old enough to organise getting herself places.
Share the chores, she is not "traditional" a traditional girl is usually one who dons the apron as soon as she gets home and warms the guys slippers by the open fire while she slaves over a hot stove and irons his shirts .....
I understand some people are just dreadful cooks, and if that's the case make it that she does the dishes, or cleans the bathroom in exchange ... and stop doing her laundry! If she wants to wear dirty clothes then let her, and when she starts to stink then keep your distance and tell her why.
Your girlfriend needs to grow up and start being responsible for herself and you need to stop enabling her.
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A
female
reader, singinbluebird +, writes (8 November 2016):
 This questions made me cringe. Shes not at all traditional, shes just immature and spoiled. I think by everything youve told us, you seem like a great sweet loving GIVING boyfriend, but youve ENABLED all her bad behavior. You allow her to take and take and not contribute anything. I hope she is giving during sex as well
I want to share something though, I was the same way she was. I made men pay for every dinner, I was a terrible converationalist, didnt have much friends, I didnt even know I had to get to know someone by using the right words. I was so shy and introverted. I was VERY spoiled and my inexperienced during sex also attributed to how awful I was. I knew something was wrong. Men were turned off, the guy I loved didnt want nothing to do with me.
I turned things around because I knew I had to do something. I started making friends, initiating, getting to know people, I used my compassion to grow, I started giving. Even if it wasnt money, I gave my light, my frienship, my joy, my conversations, I gave and gave in different ways. During sex, I became a generous generous lover and every man I am with now wants more. And I learned this from the men that told me what they wanted, my first love told me explicitly told me during sex how he wanted things. I had to get off my ass and do it. I learned that I also had to EARN men, which was the BIGGEST dating light bulb that went off in my head. Women are not desired for being women, PEOPLE are DESIRED because of their awesome traits only
SO Stop spoiling her! Ask her for things in return. Tell her how it is. SHOW her your anger. Its the hottest thing for some women. When my nice sweet first boyfriend finally frowned and spew some words at me, I stood up and I listened and I followed thru. I started paying attention!
STOP ENABLING HER. And if you teach her how to be a good selfless girlfriend, youll also save her from future boyfriends who will get sick of her passive-ness and dump her.
If she asks for you sweater, tell her you think she needs to start bringing her own. Tell her youre cold as well! If she wants you to pick her up, tell her youre going to teach her to drive because you dont want to pick her up anymore. BE CONSISTENT. BE STERN. And yet loving because you want her to be independent of you. She needs tough love. The world isnt handed to her, she must earn it!
Good luck
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