A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:dear cupid,recently i was hanging out with this guy, we got pretty close and became alittle physical too. however when i said lets get together he didnt want to as he claimed his not ready for a relationship. i then was really confused to why not, he said he did care about me and really likeed me but he said he didnt want to hurt me as he was still really close to his ex. i then questioned him to why he started something with me if he still was thinking about his ex. he said he didnt intend to but we bacame so close then he started to devolope feelings for me... anyway cut a long story short i basically decided that i wasnt gonna just play second fiddle, i deserved better then that. if he had feelings for me then get with me its as simple as that...however we decided that we were too close to completely loose touch. we still talk as much as we do when we were in a so called "open relationship" though im finding it really hard to jeep my feelings in tact. i dont want to stop talking to him or stop hanging out with him as id rather have him as a friend that not have him at all... but im finding it realllyyy hard to be my normal self around him (like things used to be) please help me... i really want to keep him as a friend and cant bare it if he doesnt talk to me so how can i still be his friend without hurting???
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female
reader, Artistry  +, writes (8 July 2008):
 Hi, I think you have to decide here, what it is you want from him, I thought that he was still with his fromer girlfriend. He is talking to you, as a friend and you want more. Why are you worrying yourself about his ex, talk to him, get an understanding of how he feels about you, period. If it satisfies you, then please stop the fretting, you will turn him off, and he will, will start to move away from you. You are being your own worst enemy. Be happy with how things are, or take yourself elsewhere. Why be so miserable? You are putting yourself in a quandry, you don't want to lose him, but you are concerned he will go back to his old girlfriend, you will drive him back to her if you continue this trend. Stop now or watch him walk away. Take care. Be his friend and trust him.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionyehhh i kinda see where you guys are coming from :) though its just really difficult as he still says thats he cares about me and does like me... and that he will never get back with his ex...
though we are really close thats the difficult part i dont want to loose him as a friend as hes helped me with alot of issues that ive faced in my life so i dont want to loose him??/ just really confused at the moment :(
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2008): Definitly agree with all the other answers, try not to dwell on him too much. his lack of wanting to commit to u shows he is not worth the trouble.
take your mind off of him by doing new things, i started a radio show whilst in a similar situation. it started off slow and i was still so anxiously waiting by my phone and checking wondering whether i might not have recieved his calls or messages but eventually i got so tied up with the radio show and getting it to work that i didnt have the time to think about him.
i dont regret my decision to leave him at all. i know it was what i should have done long ago and to make it better my radio show ran for 3 years.
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A
female
reader, Artistry +, writes (7 July 2008):
Hi there, Well these things happen, don't they? You care more for him, than he does for you, at this point for you. Honestly, I don't think he knows who he wants, his relationship with his girlfriend could be out of habit, I am not trying to give you false hope, but he actually likes two ladies.
Now to you, I would not pine over him, that only hurts worse, you are going to have to come to grips with the facts, he is involved, he likes you but can't leave his girlfriend. Even if he leaves her, it doesn't mean that he won't be back and forth with her. So you are in a bad place, if you catch him on the rebound, you will always be wondering, if he is completely over her or what. What to do? You are going to have to put him in an invisible box, by that I mean you must shelter yourself from your feelings for him, and though you don't want to, you must wean yourself away from him, you are not giving him, any good reason to be with you, if you are always there, don't hang around like "I'll be there when you want me", bad idea. Go out and make new friends, let him know that you have a life, make him want to find you, give him food for thought, that you are not going to be there for his snack, while his girlfriend is his main meal. You must provide some mystery, I wouldn't be interested in someone that I always see, and can count on to be there. Do you understand where I am coming from? It may hurt you, but you will grow, take yourself somewhere else in life, let him be, if you want to have any chance. You are flattering his ego, and making it easy for him to have two adoring ladies. Stop it! Go someplace and think about it, realize that you are hurting your chances of ever being with him in the future. Besides that as I said, he is going to need time, even if he breaks up with his girl, to get over it, so make a life for yourself beyond him, it will be healthier for you in the long run, even if you do wind up with him, trust me. Please stay in touch.
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A
female
reader, nnairac1972 +, writes (7 July 2008):
Hi, I understand your situation very well, this is something that I lived and I think I'm still living on it, The best thing for you will be to meet other people and became friends, in mi situation I have kids and I started doing more things with my kids and also family, at the beginning it was really hard, we spent so much time together and enjoyed it that every time I was at the place I wanted to cry because all those memories, good times came to my mind., I started going to the library and reading about how to fall out of love, and books similar to that, It really works because I started to understand the way we fall in love, why when we give to much and tell the other person about our feelings everything changes, I had learned so much, I know now that when I have my next relationship I will never express my feelings untils he talks first, I won't spend to much time with him, I will divide my time with my family and friends, I won't never cancel anything at the last minute just because he called to invite me somewhere... I won't be waiting for him to call all day, I won't be calling him thinking that in this way he won't forget about me... READ READ READ. Try to move away from him doing other things that helps you grow, take some dance clases, enroll the gym, any activities that will keep your mind busy and at the same time you can meet people and you will be able to discover that you are not the only one with this problem, this guy is my friend and sometimes I feel he has feelings for me, but I know I made a big mistake revailing my feelings and showing him so much interest, now I don't call him only if I really need to talk about something it concerns me, but he calls me several times and I don't pick up most of the time, I get voice mails from him and I know he isn't happy with his life, I know he is talking to other females and probably he is comparing me now with them, I don't care anymore because I value myself and I can do better, I know that one day I will probaby see him on the other side and this that I feel for him will be gone by that time, God always have something better for you, this is only experiences that we go thru, it is just a test to know how strong you are, you need to show him you are strong, don't cry, be happy most when this guy is around, when he calls you and ask you out tell him you have plans, don't give to much explanation about it, don't pick up the phone most of the time, let him leave a voice mail, go out with your friends and have fun, some guys don't make a move until they see they are loosing you and they afraid that someone else will get your attention.... When he ask you how you are doing, tell him you are doing great and try to keep the conversation short and don't let him end the conversation, you end it first by saying I have another call, I call you later and do not call him, or say I have to go now.... Man likes strong woman and also likes everything that is hard to get, that's why you see nice guys with controling woman and vice versa, enjoy your life move the page and say next,,, I can guarantee you that the next one will feel like is better that him and you also will think he is the one,,,, this is life, just go to the library and read, you will see how this will change your life... GOOD LUCK
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2008): Firstly well done on deciding 'not to play second fiddle'But don't you feel if he wanted to be with you he'd have tried to put aside all his feelings for his ex so that he could get with you?it's understandably difficult to be the same with him but sometimes it's better to just let go. it may not be any help at all but i was in a similar situation and i heard these lyrics"After we both go away its just to see if its real Theres no denying the fact its meant to be If you let it go and then they come back. If this is our last dance we need to practice our steps, The situation I left behind but your hearts what I kept"and it really helped me see the light, i decided to let it go and 2 months later he came back to me and told me he wanted a relationship. those two months where very difficult but it had to be done
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