A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Well here goes. I am a 35 year old woman, married for 15 years to a great friend. Thing is that is the ONLY thing my husband is, is a great FRIEND. He and I got together under less than ideal circumstances, but tried to make the most of it. The first ½ of our marriage was HORIBLE. We both had a lot of hidden resentment toward the other party and toward our son. We went to marriage counseling for a couple of years and things somewhat turned around. I still don’t feel I LOVE him, I’ve never felt that. As the father of my children and a friend I do, but romantically there has never been a true connection. We’ve talked about splitting up, but financially it wouldn’t be feasible at this time. So fast forward to my current dilemma. We have been best friends with another couple for 5 years. My husband and the wife grew up together and have always been very close. Over the years of holiday, birthdays, family trips, etc. she and I have grown really close as well. Over the past couple of years her husband and I have grown to be really close as well. Everyone involved knows of our friendship, it is in no way hidden or secretive. We go to lunch about once a month, have gone to a play that neither of our spouses wanted to see and things like that. We talk or text pretty much daily. NOTHING sexual or anything though. Well this guy is a “really nice guy”. He has many other female friends and I have other male friends. His wife and my husband are secure enough that they don’t worry about cheating, etc. The thing is I’m worried I’ve started to look at his friendship as a bit more. With the problems my husband and I have had my husband has never been a strong emotional support system to me. He has a horrible temper and is just generally a cold person. This guy however is very friendly, listens when I talk, laughs at my jokes, holds the door open for me and goes out of his way to do nice things for me on a regular basis. His wife knows about all this. As a matter of fact she kinda pushes him along. Sometimes I wonder if he is developing feelings for me, or if he just generally is the best guy friend a girl could ask for. I DIDN’T MEAN to develop feelings for him, but he’s everything I would look for if I had the opportunity to pick the person I would love to spend my life with. He and I share the same beliefs, morals, and general outlook on life. I do not want to ruin his marriage…I WOULD NEVER DO THAT. I love having his friendship and as the old saying goes ‘true friends are hard to find’. I fully believe this guy and his wife are just friends and I should feel blessed to have such good friends, but how can I keep from becoming too attached.How can I maintain this friendship without becoming attached since the affection and emotional support I get from him is not something I will EVER get at home? How can I make sure his feelings are still strictly platonic and not developing into some sort of ‘friend crush’? Guys, PLEASE give me some insight on what all this means and how I deal with it!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2010): I still do not buy the argument that i have been in marriage with 15 years but i do not love him so i can do what ever i want with another man.
Dear lady why do u want to disturb the 8 people life ( U, your DH, kids and your friend, his wife and kids ) with hugh permanent damage just for your fancies.
How do u know that new person as husbands would be much different.
what if he want to exploit you just like any man would do if he get access to an easy target.
Men know how to impress a women and fuck him w/o any commitment.
so forget all ur things. wish you a happy married life until death make you apart.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2010): You are getting emotional support from this guy? I suppose you make intimate confessions to him regarding your marriage. That needs to stop, and also the frequency of your encounters, if you don't wish to interfere in his own marriage.
You are attracted to him and by sharing intimate details with him(eg. how sad you feel in your marriage), you have built an emotional bond that can easily slip to an emotional affair, if it hasn't already - and this will only confuse you more.
You'll be grateful that he listens to your troubles and you'll confuse that with love or you will have mixed feelings. Moreover, he is in no position to help you, what he can do is help you stray if you pay him more and more attention to the detriment of your life with your partner and your main relationship.
Decide to spend much less time together and when you do, talk about neutral things or you can arrange that your spouses are also there. I'd be more concerned about his marriage then yours, maybe he feels attracted to his wife and there is a potential there, but you say you have never felt physically attracted to your spouse(?) and I see know way to change that, if that's how you feel.
If money is all that keeps you together, you might as well try to make it an open relationship to have some fun.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (5 April 2010):
 Just give him a wide berth, I do not mean becoming rude or cold all of a sudden. Just do not go to plays or movies you two alone. If he invites you- decline. Say you are busy, or tired. See him just when you got out with your spouses too. Don't ask him favours or assistence or support- I know that's nice to have a male friend who helps you out with practical stuff, but -do without. Become more indipendent and don't run to him for help anytime you've got something to deal with, practically or emotionally. Don't initiate contact. If he texts you , respond friendly and politely but keep it short- really short. In conclusion : stay out of trouble and away from temptations :)
I don't know. To tell you the truth all this sounds so obvious and intuitive to me- that I can't believe you haven't thought it by yourself. Wouldn't it be perhaps that subconsciously you want instead to have the chance to feed and grow this feelings of attraction - even knowing that you are not going to act upon them ?... Uhm. Dangerous game. Be careful.
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