A
female
age
41-50,
*uzieq29
writes:I am in what I know is a bad relationship that is going on 9 years but I feel trapped. I have two children from a previous marriage and one with my boyfriend. I have had a well paying, flexible job working for an older couple that I feel a great amount of responsibility and care for for about 4 years now.I also rent a house from them which they own, I know bad idea. My boyfriend recently talked my employer into going into business with him. I tried to stear my employer from it but he did not take my advice. My job now includes managing and monitoring this business which my boyfriend manages and my employer owns and has inveseted alot of money in. I want to end the relationship. I've asked him to leave but he won't. I don't know what to do. If I move out I will have to quit my job also because he will be furious and will be impossible to work with. He also hasn't made any money since August of last year so he won't be able to pay the rent here and it will then be my responsibility to have him evicted. I don't want to quit my job because I know he will swindle them if I'm not there. They are older and unable to keep up with their affairs and investments and this particular type of business has to be closely watched because it is easy to doctor things and skim for someone experienced in the business as my boyfriend is. What do I do?
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male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (26 April 2009):
 This does seem a difficult situation, particularly because you have a child with your boyfriend. So, even if you end your relationship with him, you will still have to come to an understanding with him, and see him once in a while.
This sounds like your boyfriend wants to take advantage of the trust the older couple has in you. I am not so sure whether your employer did not see the risks, but perhaps he thought he would be helping you, too, if he worked this way; or he thought you wouldn't allow anything to happen. It must feel awful to think that you're something like the key person for your boyfriend to take things away from your employers.
I don't think your boyfriend will stop doing that business just if you ask. Obviously he doesn't mind taking things away from people. So, your option is to talk to your employer and say that you have reservations about the success of the business, and you wouldn't want them to lose their money. Also, perhaps you can suggest that playing a double role is too much for you and that you'd rather just keep your old job. If the gentleman takes the hint, your boyfriend will, too, and that will surely bring you trouble. But I don't see another way out.
This is certainly an awful situation to be in, but I sense there's more than just this for you to want to leave your boyfriend. It takes more than this to leave a man you've been with for nine years, who is the father of one of your children and has played the role of father for the other two. Not that I'm accusing you of anything. I just think there is more than this; perhaps this is how your boyfriend went too far.
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