A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey... hope it's okay to post this here. I am in a horrible situation with the guy I am dating and I just wanted to hear what you guys thought of it. It's making me so sad and I just want to sort it out, but I don't know how.I met J about a month and a half ago through mutual friends. We had some great dates, and seemed to be getting along really well. Even after only a couple of weeks, he told me he thought I was different, he was falling for me, I was the most amazing person he'd ever met... you know the deal. We are remarkably similar, and seemed to have a really good understanding of each other, and have similar values etc. So I went and fell for him, too.He had made it clear from the start that because he'd been hurt so badly by the last serious relationship he was in, he wasn't ready for one now. However, I didn't really consider myself ready either, and still don't - my life is in a state of flux and I don't feel like I can trust him or know him properly after such a short space of time. And I thought I'd made it really clear to him that this was how I felt, especially when he started to say he felt guilty for 'dragging me along' when he wasn't ready for a relationship. We did talk about being in one "in the future", and we agreed we would like to make it 'official' when we were ready to. We also decided to help each other over our problems. Since I saw him last (30/06/10) I started to notice some changes. He didn't text so much, and when he did it just seemed... different. He then went through about 3 days with no credit, and we were talking through email instead. I got home on 08/07/10, checked my email and found a very long one saying... I don't really know. I don't know if the intent was to "end it" between he and I, but he said he thought that we were in the complete opposite "place" and that in all other aspects I was his perfect girl... etc. I called him to find out what he meant, and it turned out he thought I was dying for a relationship immediately. I told him that it wasn't true, and that in actual fact we were in the same situation - and that I was hurt that he'd got it so badly wrong. He kept saying that he "didn't know"... but I'm not sure what he didn't know (whether to date me or not, I presume).We had plans to meet up on 11/07/10, but he then texted me on 09/07/10, asking if we could reschedule, as he had just been informed of a family commitment. I suggested the next day, which he initially agreed to, and I then apologised for getting in such a state the day before. He then said that "he'd taken it badly as well" (I'm not sure what that meant). I asked if we could talk it over soon, and he said he wasn't in the right state of mind to do it, as he was still "too upset". He then asked for "space" and cancelled our date for the next day. Turned out this space thing consisted of going from texting about 30-odd times a day (mostly initiated by him, I add) to... hardly anything. The odd one here and there, but at most one conversation a day and always ended by him. And today he hasn't texted at all. I texted him yesterday, attempting to be friendly, and thought we had a fairly nice conversation, but then haven't heard anything since. We were even online (on our Playstations) at the same time, and I didn't hear anything from him.So now I'm frantic. All I wanted was to date this guy, take it slow and just see where it goes. We wanted the same thing and he got the wrong end of the stick and now it's in all sorts of a mess :'(How can I sort this out?Or rather... can I sort this out?
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female
reader, xanthic  +, writes (13 July 2010):
 Why not just be friends, and see where that goes? He's probably really uncomfortable with the pressure of dating right now, because it sounds like he's hesitant to be in ANY kind of relationship beyond a platonic one.
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (13 July 2010):
 He said you are the most amazing person he'd met? I don't know the deal here. You are text buddies reading too much into the messages. I don't know how text messages can be useful, except for "what's this friend's phone number, where is the restaurant located?" Other than that, it can't be used when you are trying to know the person's feelings. It's a one way conversation and there's no chance to clarify what the person meant. When you send a text message, you can never know if the other party received it. If you don't get a message back you get upset. That's why I never do texts. They are for people who are too shy to talk on the phone. He doesn't sound like he's ready for the relationship. This is not a horrible, or complicated situation. All you got here is a guy who's not ready for dating. He disappointed you. Give him the space to sort himself out. No one is telling you you must be patient and wait for him. Always strive for relationships that are smooth and trouble free.
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A
female
reader, Kit-Kat +, writes (13 July 2010):
You can sort this out, nothings impossible!
wat i would do i wait for a while (maybe a few weeks) with no contact about your relationship. i think you need to get away from each other for a while to sort ourselves out and decide if you are really ready for a commited relationship. sometimes all it takes is a few weeks of not thinking about it to clear your head and get yourself sorted.
but dont take any pathetic excuses and obvious reluctance because no relationship that has that involved will end soon and badly
hope this helps, good luck
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