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female
,
anonymous
writes: I can never be myself around boys at first and then when Im comfortable enough with them to be myself I cant be myself because the other me is totally different and then because Im trying to hide what Im really like I end up destroying the relationship!! I used to be able to show the real me but I got really hurt so I now use the "other me" to make sure Im not going to get hurt.... How can I change this!? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, poly_ethylene +, writes (8 September 2006):
 Everyone has a public face and a private one, and so I think that most people understand that when you get to know someone, and spend time alone with them, you end up seeing another side to them (and usually seeing this other side is pretty thrilling!).
Having said that however, you can always pick the quality people by the way they put you instantly at ease and allow you to be yourself without fear of judgement/hurt. If you feel that showing someone your 'true' side is going to lead to them hurting you then perhaps that is a sign that one or both of you is not ready for a relationship beyond casual friendliness.
It's hard not to want to protect yourself, especially if you are once bitten, twice shy - and a degree of self preservation is important. But when it comes to relationships, a big component of being involved with someone is making yourself vulnerable. You are the only one who can decide how much or little of yourself you want to reveal, and it's a descion that varies with each person you meet.
Good luck with finding your way through this - as long as you like the person you 'really' are, others will too.
A
male
reader, David Lewis  +, writes (8 September 2006):
 You just need to try to be natural and not put on an act. Be completely yourself, then there is no need for the other you.
If a guy can't love you for the real you, then he is not worth acting for.
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