A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I need to know how to put things right between me and and old friends.We had an argument because I was sick of being pushed aside and not being treated right and being spoken to in the attitude I was. It was usetting me and I was advice to say something to him.Shortly later his new gf (who I dont like) got involved. She said some nasty stuff to me which lead me to make a huge mistake of repeating something he;d said of me shortly before. That was that he admitted to me he had rushed the relationship slightly. She doesnt like me and I don't like her. Even so this never affected my friendship with him. Me and her have nothing to do with each other, infact we don't really know each other. I can't stand her but I never let that affect mine and his friendship as we've known each other for 7 years! It his life and hes happy so thats all I'm bothered about.Obviously she would have taken what I said in the sense that as I was trying to cause trouble, which I wasn't. I didn't say as "ha well hes admitted you've rushed into it" (asif it was a bad thing) ... I just said that he'd admitted it;d been rushed but that was between you two. It was wrong and it came out because she was being hurtful towards me and after that she said some very aggressive things.I undertand I definately shouldnt of said it, and people reckon she would of got jealous and made a big deal so that he would cut me out his life. This could be true but no one knows. No one thinks he would have blocked me if that hadn't happened as they think she may have encouraged him to do it, he knew it would hurt her of course he would make her happy. She was all top dog afterwards when she was telling me that hes "chose her". Im confused as to where that came from as I never mentioned anything like that. WHich makes me wonder if she said something to him.Either way, although I hate her its been afew months and he wont answer any texts. I did send afew nasty ones through anger but my last one was simply asking what I did to desrve the lies to be spread and to have said to me what she did. I also wished him a happy christmas. Again no reply. I realise although what I said was true it wasn't to be repeated. I want to try and make things up with him but to do that I need him to speak to me. I wanna leave the hatred between me n her out of it because we will never like each other and I jsut want to go back to how things were before so that me and him can be friends. Neither of us were bothered about me and her not getting on. I spoke to him/saw him on the odd occasion we had a laugh, whatever. I miss my friend, and I feel such a bad person because this is all my fault. Im still hurt he let her say what he did as at the time he didnt know her that well and they;d been together afew weeks. But she should never have got involved. I always think if we;d of left it to simmer and she hadn't of messaged me none of this would have happened. But it has so the important thing now is, how do I put it right? Im unsure of what to say as Im only assuming thats what made him block me. The fact that I said that and she kicked off and of course he lied to her and said he never said that. But Im only assumign that as I cant find ny other reason for this extreme action. it might not be that so I dont want to assume I sjut want to try and fix things. Please help.
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (1 January 2013):
 You are underestimating a relevant detail, i.e. that all this started with an argument between you and your friend even befor his gf arrived on the scene. And the argument was because he ALREADY had been not treating you right, giving you an attitude etc. This may mean that your friendship was already showing cracks, so maybe the girl has been the catalyst for an ending that would have come about anyway.
Another thing you do not take into account is loyalty. Some people can keep love matters and social relationships totally distinct and separated, but other people won't, they will have a hard time staying friends with a person who hates their S.O. Tbh, it makes sense to me : what, you despise and criticize the person I love most in the world, and I am supposed to be friend with you ? If you were my friend, you'd accept and respect my loved ones.
( I know you say this did not bother him AT FIRST. Things change , the more you develop feelings for your partner ).
Finally, I think it was a mistake sending a Merry Xmas message without having first apologized for the nasty, angry emails you had sent previously.
Personally, I think it would just irk me if somebody first sends me nasty emails, then all of a sudden pops up with niceties and wishes, it would feel sort of rude and patronizing, like my friend is acting dismissive and means yeah no big deal, I can blow hot and cold whenever I want, so what.
In conclusion, if it's months that you try making peace with no results, alas maybe that's how it's going to be from now on. Friendship should be mutual, if he does not respond maybe he does not miss you as much as you miss him.
You can surely make one more attempt, but I feel you should first apologize for the nasty messages and the mistake you made in handling the matter, and tell him you are sorry and it would not happen again. See if this goes down better.
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