A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello, I love your site and need some advice. My boyfriend and I have been dating for two years. We are both seniors in high school. I am 19 years old and my boyfriend will soon turn 18. We are both virgins. We have talked about sex but have not done it. When we have it we both want it to be with someone we care about and want it special. We both agree that it is natural and can be beautiful if it is done for the sake of love. We kiss, pet, and have made out but not done it. His 18th birthday falls on a Friday this year and I am having a birthday party for him. We will have some friends come over to celebrate. I have asked him what he wants for his birthday and he told me about a few non-sexual things that he would wish for. I think that he would really like to have sex on his 18th birthday. I know I would. My parents will be away on business for the weekend of the party. This seems like a great time to express our love to each other physically. I would like to give him the gift of sex for his birthday. I have several questions. Maybe you could answer them. Could you give me some advice of what to wear at the birthday party that I am having? I want to give him a hint of what is to come but do not want to over do with the other guest at the party. Is there a way I can give him hints without the others seeing? When the party is ending how do I get the other people to leave without my boyfriend leaving? I do not want it make it obvious to the others what is going on. How should I let my boyfriend know that I am ready and would like to have sex with him? We have talked about sex. Should I let him know of my wishes before the party? How? When the other guest leave how can I turn the topic to a sexual nature? Should this be done through giving him a note? What should the note say? Should this be done through speaking? What should be said? Should this be done through action? If so what? I believe that loving sex begins before getting naked. What kind of activities should be done before getting naked? What kinds of kissing should be done before getting naked? Should I start with a soft kiss or dive into a passionate one? What parts on a clothed body should I kiss? Where would he like to be kissed? How long should we kiss before getting naked? How will we know when it is time to remove our clothes? Should I ask him to undress or just undress him? Should we undress in the bedroom or can we strip in route? Should kissing be involved in undressing? If so, how? Should talking be done while we are kissing and undressing? What should be said? We have not seen each other naked. What should be done when we get done undressing? How can I make the bedroom romantic? What can I do to move us to the bed? What activities should we do as part of foreplay? Where on his naked body should I kiss? Is there an order that he would enjoy? How much touching and kissing should be done before I move to his penis? How will I know when to move down to his penis? How will I know where and how he likes to be touched? How should I let him know where I would like to be touched and kissed? How long should foreplay last? How will we know when it is time to move to intercourse? How can I take the lead? Should it be done through speaking, action, or both? Is there a way to know when he is ready? Can you suggest a position for the first sexual experience? If we want to change sexual positions can you suggest other positions and give advice on how to switch to these without being awkward? How do I tell if he is enjoying it? Should talking be part of the sexual experience? What should be said? How long does the first intercourse experience last? What can be done after intercourse? What do men like to do after it? How do we tell if our love making was good or bad? How can I suggest making love again in the morning? Thank you for answering my question. I look forward to your reply. Sincerely,Lexi Walburg
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, MonDoc  +, writes (15 November 2007):
Honestly, Lexi, the length of time you've taken to ask all the questions will probably be longer than the sex itself! :) I'm not making fun, but in all honesty, sex is not such an intellectualist event. It's basic & primal, and all of your concerns will be answered as you go... or, more precisely, none of it will matter. It's like your first kiss... it doesn't need explanation or guidance -- it just comes naturally!
The ones I will answer are to do with the start of it, as everything else will work itself out.
So, how to start? Perhaps before everyone starts arriving (or if this isn't possible, pull him aside at some point during the night) and give him perhaps a small gift-wrapped box with a condom in it, perhaps with a loving poem about how you want to make his night special & that you're ready & would like him to stay after the party.
In terms of kissing, you'll figure that out.
In terms of pre-sex acts, perhaps a massage? You could perhaps include a bottle of massage oil with the condom gift... That way he can be undressed & you can strip down to your underwear (wear whatever you want to the party, but wear some nice underwear underneath)... which will turn him on (men are very visual). Kiss his body as you massage him, and you'll find from there on that it'll take its course... the kissing, touching etc..
In terms of afterwards, he'll likely be quite happy to sleep, but being your first time, he might be happy to talk about it (as you're probably going to want to) -- just don't be surprised if the only words he can get out for a while are "wow, wow, wow".
In terms of if it's good or not, you'll enjoy it because you love it - whether there's an orgasm involved or not. Other than that, you'll know... same way you know if a kiss is a good one or not.
Finally, in terms of the morning, you won't have to say much there, I'm sure!!
Have fun & be safe!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2007): hmmm...seems interesting, wells as far as i can collate, i had the same kinda thing to deal with when i was 19. Wells, all you can do is wear a black lingere underneath a soothing ping outfit and then a surprise party at yer place with candles all over yer bedroom and then slowly and slowly doing that SHAKE YER BON BON and slowly stripping down the clothes and then what, let fate decide is he is ready to take you ON...All the best...but yeah do remember, incase he is a gay then all yer efforts will be invain !
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2007): That is alot of questions. I'll try to answer some from expirience. I don't mean to sound preachy but you may consiter waiting untill marriage. I personally would give almost anything to have had my husband as my first. That said... First i would say calm down. If he is a strait boy then you'll turn him in doing about anything short of a hazmat suit. I would suggest a skirt or a low cut dress for easy acess later. Undress him starting with his shirt. kiss his neck mouth chest and "lower stomick" ;). Get on top and move side to side as much as up and down it will help you enjoy it more and keep him from cuming. open up a condom before hand and make sure you know how one works. It sounds funny but compliment him. tell him it feels good and when he finishes before you(and he will) don't be disappointed. Tell him it was goooooooood and don't lie and say you came, let him know that that doesn't matter to you and you were just happy that he was your first. he's proably going to want to go to sleep. as for the morning your going to have bad breath but nothing says good morning like a warm mouth on a newly man's penis. who knows he may even return the favor. i hope i was of help and good luck and good uh ... night
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2007): Hi Lexi
That's one hell of a lot of questions in one go! I'll answer just one of them and let others tackle the rest.
"Is there a way of hinting what's to come?" Take him into the kitchen or somewhere else where you can briefly be alone for a couple of minutes and give him a gift-wrapped pack of condoms. he ought to take the hint.
Phil
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