A
female
age
41-50,
*ilotchick38
writes:I recently cheated on my husband. What is worse is that my brother-in-law saw me outside in a parked car with the other guy. How can I save my marriage and my reputation from this infidelity?
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male
reader, dosborne08 +, writes (5 January 2009):
It sounds like you may just be worried because you got caught. I hope that is not the case and I that I am totally off.
If you are truly sorry for what you did, then you need to have a honest talk with your husband as to where you guys really are. Are you guys out of touch? Did you catch him cheating?
We all do make mistakes, but its how you recover from it and what you learn from that mistake.
Imagine what you would feel like if you found out about your spouses infidelity.
Use that feeling to open up and hopefully make your relationship a stronger one if that is truly what you want.
Use that fear of losing the man you love to do the little things you use to do early in the relationship. Ask for those little things in return.
You can save your relationship and even make it stronger but you have to genuinely want to and try to.
If you are just trying to smoothe over this situation then maybe you should get out of the relationship if that's what your truly want.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2009): Be honest with your husband in every possible way... I don't agree with even white lies, or do you want to continue your marriage in even more deceit? It would be immensely unfair on your husband to make him be stuck with someone without having all the information and that would be selfish on your part.
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A
male
reader, listening_and_learning  +, writes (4 January 2009):
 honey, firstly don't beat yourself up over a bi of straying. This is a complex world and stuff happens. That's all.
Damage control - odds are the brother in law will blab, eventually. He will naively feel he's doing the right thing (though his proper course of action should be to talk to you about it first and help you through this difficult time). Given that, as you're worried, it means, regardless of everything, you do actually love your husband. So, you'll need to do some patching up. Unfortunately you're going to have to come clean, probably soon. Sorry. He'll be mad, yes, but he'll get over it, but you'll need to give him enough clear space to do that in his own time. Most important though, let him know that it was all a compete disaster, sexwise I mean. this guy was hopeless in bed. Got it ? We men are shallow and that's all that really burns us inside when it comes down to it. On top of that you can throw in the usual stuff about not loving this guy bla bla bla, and can you forgive me etc. he'll eventually see that he doesn't want to lose you either.
I truely wish you luck. Above all, try to step back from the situation enough to see the big picture, that things just happen.
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A
female
reader, pastfirst +, writes (4 January 2009):
 I think it depends on what your brother-in-law actually saw.
You could soften the blow a bit by telling your husband that you kissed some guy and that you made a mistake and regret it (if you Do regret it).
Or perhaps you should just tell your husband that you had an affair and want "out" of the marriage.
You don't really have a choice about whether to tell him or not 'cos he's going to find out. It's better for him to hear it from YOU than from somewhere else.
Just make a decision about what you want from your marriage and from LIFE in general.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2009): Why do you want to save your marriage? You cant be happy otherwise you wouldnt cheat. Let your husband go so he can live the rest of his life with someone who cares about him.
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A
female
reader, 48years  +, writes (4 January 2009):
 Studies show that men are 97% less likely to forgive cheating. The odds are, unfortunately, against you. If you can deny it and keep it a secret to your grave, you may be ok. If he questions you, say "It would be hurtful to hear something like that about me-I hope you wouldn't believe that I'd done it." I don't advise lieing except in extreme cases where the confession would greatly hurt a large number of people.
If it's absolutely not possible, and you confess, and he agrees to keep you as his wife, you will have to disclose every action you make throughout the day. You will have to disclose all conversations, phone calls etc for a long time in order to earn his trust again. It will be absolutely exhausting, but if you want to stay with your husband, it will be worth it. This is assuming that you agree to cut all contact with your fling.
Lastly, if you are sincerely sorry and vow never to stray again, ask God for forgiveness...He'll grant it immediately...and then, learn to forgive yourself.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2009): ok.. you already got caught and you no the brother-in-law is gonna tell your husband...your already in trouble..
so the right thing to do now is to tell your husband face to face no b.s, the thruth and ask for redemtion if really love him, and if he loves you... he'll try to forgive and forget.. but its gonna take a little time for him to forget that
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A
male
reader, MichaelS2 +, writes (4 January 2009):
 Well first do you regret what you have done?If so do you truly love your husband?
If so than you must talk to the husband.You must explain what you did and why.After tell him that you love him and want to make things work.You have to essentially get down on your hands and knees and beg for forgiveness. I also doubt he will ever be able to fully trust you again.
My Uncle's Ex-Wife cheated on him and it caused nothing but problems and she got caught again later.You have to be honest and truthful if you tell him it will never happen again.
I'm not trying to be mean or anything I just think if you really want to stay with him you have a long way to go.But if you love him than it will be worth it.
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