A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm pregnant. Totally unplanned. I used protection but it failed. It has come as a huge shock. My bf told me he was divorced when I got with him. I have just found out he is actually separated and going through a divorce. I asked him why did you tell me you were divorced if you are not really? He said he considers himself divorced and the only reason he dilly-dallied with the divorce was he wanted her to pay for it - 0 else. She took 10K from him and that was why he wanted her to pay for this. She hasnt and he filed the papers once he got with me. I was so annoyed at the time I asked him to show me a proof that he filed as I felt my trust in him had been compromised - he showed me the papers so I calmed a little. I got mad at him today and told him to talk to me when he is divorced and that I didn't want to be secondbest. He got annoyed by the word secondbest. He accused me of trying to sabotage our relationship. I said where on earth did you get that idea from? I was just telling you 'my feelings' - I don't know how to recover from this situation. I have backed away and am trying to make sense here. I doubt he will go back to her. I told him I don't want him to start living with me just because he feels obliged to cos of the baby. He said he wants to and that he didn't feel obliged. I told him I didn't want to do anything sexual with him until its finalised. I am a good person I didn't want to be a thief of another woman and this story has suddenly made me feel that way. He supports the pregnancy and wants the baby. He doesn't want her and told me the divorce could take between 2 months and 1 year to get finalised. I want the baby and all. I don't want either person to feel trapped so I wrote him a mail in case he felt that he could be by this all. He said he wasn't feeling trapped and loves me a lot and was happy. I am trying to now turn a blind eye to the fact he is going through this divorce. I said I was worried I was his rebound and when the aftermath of his divorce happens I didn't want to be blamed for the demise of his marriage which happened long before I ever came onto the scene. She cheated on him and he cheated her back and that was it - it dissolved. He said he has had 5 or so rebounds before getting with me to make the point that I was not his 'rebound'. I would like this relationship to work. Now that all this has happened can the relationship be recovered and if so how?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2011): It sounds like he is getting the divorce, he showed you papers, and you should be happy. If you don't belive what he's telling you, you may end up pushing him away. He'll get frustrated that he's being honest and you're not believing him and "nagging" him.
You should count your blessings. I am dating someone going through a divorce and, even though we love each other very much, it get's very difficult. Even if he and the ex don't have feelings for each other, a divorce is a very stressful process. It is causing a big strain on our otherwise perfect relationship. So I would recommend you don't put any additional pressure on him or it could backfire. It sounds like he really loves you and wants to be with you, you should be more supportive. He may really need your support soon.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYes he has been separated from her for 4 years - so I guess that is good right? Thank you to get back to me.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2011): Has he been separated from her the required 4 years already yeah?
Because if he hasn't then it's going to take that long to for the divorce to happen.
http://www.divorceinireland.com/FAQs.asp
4 years is a long time OP.
Read up on the details of how divorce works in Ireland, then consider whether you can really wait that long.
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