A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:In the past my husband has snapped pictures of me in the shower and changing. I told him to delete the pictures each time. I have told him he can't take nude pictures of me without my consent.This all started after we got married.Recently, I think he got sneaky and snapped pictures of me while we did the act. He tried a different approach. He covered my face with a towel and then he told me he wanted to step back and admire my body for a few moments. I think he snapped a picture of two during those "moments." I couldn't hear the camera because he had music playing. Now he wants to cover my face all the time. I think he was trying to psychologically condition me to accept having my face covered so I don't see what he is doing. It's almost methodical in his approach. If he has taken nude pictures of me, my gut is telling me he has, I am going to feel so violated and ill. I am shaking now as I type this.I think I would consider divorce because I have told him no nude photos of me without my consent. How could I ever trust him again.We've been married 4 years.He has always had a high sex drive.We have no kids.We each have our own computers and respect, I am using the word respect lightly now, each others privacy.Am I blowing this out of proportion? Or does he have a real problem.Has anyone else encountered this?
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female
reader, femmenoir  +, writes (10 August 2015):
 Hi,
seriously you need to step up to your husbands antics.
Just because you are married & he is your 'husband', does not give him permission, without prior consent from you, to take naked photos of you & to do with them, whatever the heck he wants.
Marriage is not about ownership, period! When two people come together in love, marriage &/or otherwise, those two people should be doing so, for the right reasons.
The words absolute respect & honour for one another, come to mind.
You do not have to feel over-powered, or be made to feel powerless. You must not allow yourself to feel vulnerable, even when in the presence of your husband, especially not under these conditions.
Vulnerability can be acceptable, when two people are mutually respectful & loving toward each other & when they're not feeling coerced, pressured to do things against their own will.
It's kinda nice to let your guard down, when you're in the perfect setting, with the right partner, but not when otherwise.
You should immediately stop allowing your husband to blackmail you with the covering of your face. This is terrible & you can only imagine what he's getting up to whilst your face is covered.
I imagine that this would make you feel very uncomfortable, vulnerable, nervous & even scared.
If my partner asked me to do such things, i would say 'no way' immediately!
If any man asked me to do anything that was against my will, i would show him where my front door is!
With all due respect, i guess your husband has taken full advantage of you, your body & your feelings, because you've not told him to stop & you've not told him that all he's doing, is hurting you & your marriage to him.
If you haven't done so to date, please start making some really big changes in this area.
He may see you as the fully submissive wife & unless you speak up, he wouldn't know how you truly feel, deep down inside.
In an ideal world, no marriage would come to an end, or an abrupt end, but in the real world, marriages do, but this doesn't mean to imply/say that your marriage shouldn't be given one last chance, if that's what you want & after approaching your husband with your feelings, if that's what he too, wants.
Be stronger with him, be tougher with him & above all else, do not be afraid of him.
Even if he did get angry, verbally aggressive &/or insulting or God forbid, he suddenly became physically aggressive, because he doesn't like what you're telling him, then you can always ring the police immediately.
Don't allow your husband to intimidate you. If your husband has an ounce of respect for you & an ounce of self-worth for himself, then he shouldn't be doing this.
You must ask him to show you his ph, his computer & if he has nothing to hide, he won't have an issue doing so, because remember, you are not just another gf, you are his wife & you are not accusing him of anything, you are quite certain of what he has been doing, so this changes the dynamics.
Be strong, be focused & best of luck!
Let us know how you get on. :-)
A
female
reader, boo22  +, writes (2 July 2015):
Hi
You poor thing, you must feel terrible, I know I would!
Its you with the problem. I don't feel sorry for him at all!
Who knows what else he might be up to?
You're going to have to have a long hard think. Have you talked to him about this?
Listen to your gut instinct.
Mine is, having read your post.... If you don't get a full and frank apology then leave him and don't look back
He doesn't understand boundaries at all !!
Good luck and don't beat yourself up about this please x
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (1 July 2015):
 You are definitely not blowing this out of proportion.
There is something seriously wrong with your husband. I would not ask or even mention going through his computer. Even if he agrees to let you, that will only be after he's had a chance to delete/hide whatever he doesn't want you to see.
No one should ever have to tell someone not to take pictures of them, nude or otherwise. This is basic courtesy and common sense.
OP, for your own well being I really think you need to leave him. He's a sexual parasite and he cannot be trusted. I'm afraid that these pictures might not be for his private entertainment (the other reason for covering your face).
There is no fixing this, or fixing him. Quietly get your ducks in a row, speak to an attorney.
In the meantime, speak to a computer specialist about wiping his computer completely. You can do this by reinstalling the operating software (or at least starting that process). It should go without saying that you give him NO warning whatsoever or he'll just back up whatever data/pictures he has. He'll lose everything on it and he'll have to reinstall whatever programs he had etc, but that's the price he'll have to pay. Your safety is more important than his convenience.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2015): I would ask to see his phone, ipad, computer,and camera; just out of the blue. To be honest, I would believe everything is secured behind passwords; or deleted from his devices and stored away. He knows you'll snoop.
Tell him you feel he has taken pictures without your consent and would feel better if he proved your suspicions to be incorrect. Don't back-down, insist on it. You need confirmation. Make no decisions on "gut-feelings." You'll start having second-thoughts; because you didn't convince your subconscious-mind. Proof beings closure, and you can make sound decisions based on fact and evidence. If he's exploiting you over the internet, you may file criminal charges. If your face is covered, unless you have identifiable birthmarks, scars, or tattoos; no one but people who really know you can recognize you. Don't panic.
You should stop his little ritual with covering your face.
You've played that game enough.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (30 June 2015):
 He has a REAL problem.
1. COVERING your face? WTF? I get if he puts a blindfold on to "surprise" you with ice cubes or feathers (different sensations) but to admire your body? What? Why can't he do that with you NOT having your face covered?
And IF you think he is taking pictures WHY allow him to cover your face? Just say... NO.
What would he take pictures with? Camera or phone? If it's the camera I would go through it, if it was the phone I would ask him to let me go through his pictures. Husband or not, he has NO right to do this without your consent.
If you think he deleted them off camera/phone and have them on his computer I would again ASK to go through his picture folder.
As much as I believe in privacy.. I do NOT condone someone like you husband who INVADED yours for HIS pleasure and GOODNESS knows WHOM he shares those pictures with.. again WITHOUT your consent.
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