A
male
age
30-35,
*Nick
writes:Hiya Agony Aunts.There are a few things that nag at me about this girl I just started dating, and I'm not sure why. As y'all are likely older and more experienced than I am, I'd like your perspective.We started dating about 3 or 4 weeks ago. She's fit and active, pretty, and probably the sweetest girl I've ever dated. Most everything is about her is great, and in general, I'm really happy with her, with a few exceptions.#1) She has (apparently) relatively poor work ethic. I.e., she just started working (in my opinion a relatively easy job) 30 hours a week and constantly complains about how hard it is. #2) She has admittedly poor budgeting skills. Her 30 hours a week aren't going far, and her plan is to bank on the $75-100 a month her dad sometimes sends her, and then ask for more money if that runs out.#3) She's not really the sharpest tool in the shed. I mean that in the nicest way possible but she's barely an average student, and outside of academics, often doesn't think things through thoroughly.#4) Her breath. It's bad, and she occasionally will have visible plaque on her teeth. It's not enough to gross me out enough not to kiss her, but enough that I worry about how I will try to sensitively address that issue in the near future.To put things in perspective, She's my first girlfriend since owning both my own car and my own apartment, so I'm not sure if it's my own new perspective making me think about problems 1-3, but those have never really been turn offs like they are right now. Further, I'm 22, she's 20.That said, I know myself, I've only really recently come to terms with being comfortable with my own work ethic and budgeting. At 20, I'm not sure I would've been much different than she, so I'm not sure if it's as big of a deal that I'm making it out to be.As for the breath, I'm just not sure how to tactfully address the situation.Despite having overall success in the dating realm recently, I'm not usually this picky and so this concerns me. Again, despite this, overall, she's a great girl, I'm just nitpicking and wondering if we're setting ourselves up for catastrophe down the road.Any opinions are greatly welcome!
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (1 July 2015):
 I think YouWish summed it up perfectly.
She is NOT a great match for YOU.
All these "little" things that makes you go hmmm, will compound the longer you date, they will before a pattern of her personality - what you are seeing now... at 3-4 weeks of dating... IS the tip of the iceberg.
Her bad breath is the LEAST of your concerns, honestly.
I'd let this one go and try someone else.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2015): It just sounds like she's not right for you, you're in a different phase of life and she still has the Bank of Dad to rely on...That's not a great sign, she might very well see you with your own place and nice things and someone who will support her, just like daddy does. I know people like her, they had hand outs from daddy all through their teens and early 20's and they expect the same from their boyfriends. This early in getting to know someone Therr shouldn't be little annoyances, it just doesn't sound like you two are really that compatible. With your responsibility now to pay a mortgage and run a house it can change your perspective of people. I agree that her work ethic doesn't sound too great, she doesn't work full-time in a simple enough job and complains it's hard. In the long term, if you stayed with this woman and she moved in with you, would she be capable of contributing to the running costs of a home? All those things count as to whether you form trust with someone. You'd probably do best seeing other people and finding out what you are looking for in someone, because with this lady all you can see is what you don't want.
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A
female
reader, katiekate +, writes (1 July 2015):
 Doesn't sound like a match. Unless she gets her stuff together, it sounds like she may become a drain on you (or whoever she's with) in the future. Sounds like she needs to grow up. And why does she not brush her teeth adequately? That in itself could be a deal breaker for me.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (1 July 2015):
 When in doubt, dont buy. Something is turning you off this girl, and while you have tried to rationalize it into numbered issues, I think its an overall thing. These things did not concern you with others, pprobably because you got along better with others and the chemistry was right. When the chemistry is off, we start listing up issues like you do now. But the real issue is only that youre not that into her. You dont need valid, justifiable reasons to move on from her. Not feeling the right chemistry is enough.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (1 July 2015):
 You're not being nitpicky. There are a couple of these things I see as serious red flags, to be honest. I'll number them like you did, and then give my advice afterwards:
1. Work ethic. A poor work ethic is to come in late, cut corners, cheat your boss, sabotage your co-workers, etc. Sounds like her issue is more along the lines of being negative and complaining. I think this has something to do with your #2, so I'll get right to it:
2. Budgeting. Why is her dad sending her money?? If she's working, why does she need that money?? Especially if she's talking about putting her dad's money in a bank? Her lack of money management, taking money from her dad, and complaining about her job means she is immature and has not grown up. You said she's a student if you reference her academics in #3? That explains Dad's money, but eventually, she has to snap out of high school mentality to face the real world. Are you older than she is and out of college? If so, you may be in a different place emotionally than she is.
3. This one may not be a red flag, but it signals incompatibility on your part. People of different intelligence levels find basic communication to be strained at times. You need someone who's more on your level intellectually if you're seeing these things about her. Intelligence and education are two different things. Albert Einstein was a below average student. In fact, people thought he was a special needs kid when he was younger. But if she is lacking intelligence, then the question is whether or not it's due to immaturity or if she's inherently not smart. Either way, if you're feeling the strain, that's a compatibility issue.
4. Her breath. The most easily fixable and the hardest one to get over. It's the reason I couldn't date smokers growing up, and the reason I still carry breath mints wherever I go. Bad breath is *awful*. This one you may in fact have to be honest with her on if she doesn't get the hint with you passing her gum or mints every time you date her.
You can't change her. You're in "live on my own" mode, and she's in college/high school limbo. All you can do is lead by example in this case. Whatever you do, don't have her move in with you until you see her live truly on her own, or she'll just transfer the expectation of being taken care of right to you. What is he major? What does she want to be out of college?
If you keep seeing incompatibility, it may be time to call it off with her. But you can't nag her or ride her regarding stuff, and understand that being negative or complaining is about her attitude, not her work ethic. If she's doing a good job, then she's just being negative, which you don't have to let her do. Constant negativity and complaining can drown any good relationship. Work ethic is about doing your job with excellence and taking pride in your work, whether it's flipping burgers, working retail, cutting hair, or babysitting. Even the most negative person can have a fantastic work ethic, and even the most positive of people can be awful employees who steal from the company.
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