A
male
age
36-40,
*ackofcades
writes:Hey all, I have a question about trust. The short version is: I have a friend who used to trust me, but due to some traumatic circumstances (not involving me or anything), she's lost it. Honestly though, you'll need the long version to understand! And let me start off by saying that my situation is very loopy; you won't be the first (or last) ones to urge me to just get away from her. That's advice I'll never take, I'm afraid. She and I used to be partners, but no longer. We're both in our early 20's, by the way. I may still love the girl, but this isn't some attempt to get back with her. Anyway, she's got a dissociative disorder and one day, out of the blue, she had dissociative episode. We're talking loony toons nonsensical behavior here. I know, I was there. Suffice to say, it was rather traumatic for her and for months after, she has remained in a sort of directionless lifestyle. She makes ill judgements about some things and she is currently on sour terms with pretty much everyone she knew before that little event. Her whole way of life has become shallow: her budget, her motivation, her friends. I've lost count of how many "I told you so" moments that have passed between her and I. So what does this have to do with trust you ask? Essentially, her ill judgements involve trust as well. Despite that I've been there for her through everything - broken down car, new abusive boyfriend, bout of depression, you name it - she never listens to any of my advice. These days, she just surrounds herself with folks that don't really understand her. I love this girl and I want her to be happy. I don't care about who she ends up with, what she does, or where she goes. I want to give this girl her stability back. And for her to even listen to me like she used to, I need to regain her trust. Anyone have any ideas how I accomplish this? 'Cause sitting around and waiting for her to pick herself up hasn't work. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2011): IF she is diagnosed with Disassociative Disorder; then she should be on medication. I have an older sister that suffers the same condition and if she does not stay on meds; she goes haywire.Being she is young, she still hasn't accepted or adjusted to doing her all to do her best to stay healthy and in a mental/emotional state where she will WANT to be funtional and not so much destructive.Sometimes women who have suffered severe sexual trauma WANT to hurt and destroy themselves so they act out and seek relationships where the man will re-enact her childhood trauma/abuse. In ways its a very unhealthy means to try to heal and recover by, in her mind, being in control of the actors and locations of her re-enactments- of the abuse/trauma.Much like how young children who have undergone surgery, will re-play the whole event with a teddy bear. The Teddy Bear being the hurt one, the child the Doctor, operationg on Teddy and so forth. Its a means to heal and gain back control of the situation where one was not in control and the whole event was SCARY and overwhelming. Children do this to make the event, bearable, understandable, and eventually where they do not feel overwhelmed.So, This Young Woman is caught up in the destructive cyle of such an enactment.The only way is she seeks counselling, and stays in it long term, and stays on medication and figures out her triggers and does her best to monitor her episodes.Not much all can be done, unfortunately.
A
male
reader, jackofcades +, writes (21 November 2011):
jackofcades is verified as being by the original poster of the question I should stress that I'm pretty much alone in this endeavor. The girl's distanced herself from both her own family and most of our group of friends. There's really no one around her to set an example for anything. Just me.
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