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female
,
anonymous
writes: How can i rediscover my identity? I adore my boyfriend but I miss being single so much that it's really getting me down. I want to spend the rest of my life with this guy, and i've gotten far enough into the relationship so that were beyond the 'honeymoon period' and now the shock and excitement of getting the guy i wanted has worn off. I still love him to death, I just struggle In separating myself from 'us'. I can't help but put him first in the relationship, and as I was single for a long time before we got together i'd gotten used to looking out for number one and not having to worry about anyone else, which is part of the reason why everything feels so different now. I used to spent a lot of quality time on my own and I just don't do that anymore because I don't want to anymore. Basically, I'm really confused about myself and need some guidence from you lovely people to get me back on track. thanks xx
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2006): You find things you like to do, then do them. At the end of the day or week, when you meet up with your bf, you can tell him all about it. Like G87 below, you don't need to do everything he likes to do and vice versa.
Eg: when my ex and I were together, she liked clubbing/dancing, snowboarding and rollerblading. I liked mountain biking, hiking, camping, lounging/chilling, and snooker. Together, we like to find new recipes, cook together, rent a movie and watch it by ourselves, go out with our friends, have crafts night with the girls while the guys help out, play a game of MJ, etc. Sometimes she flew over to Calgary or down to Las Vegas with her friends. I didn't have the financial freedom then, but she would come back to Vancouver and tell me all about it. Or I would go to Hong Kong for a business/vacation trip and she couldn't afford going with me, and I would email or call her every day, etc, etc.
You know what I mean?
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male
reader, guardian87  +, writes (8 October 2006):
 hey there.
Okay, there's something goin on here that happens all the time (so dont worry); your mind and ur heart are talkin at the same time and u dont know which to listen to.
Your heart, of course, is saying how u need to spend ur time with the love of ur life. Your mind, however, is saying u need to be on ur own cuz ur used to it.
Solution: If you really feel like uve "lost ur identity" and u would feel a little better on ur own, then space urself out a little more. But not too much (and be sure to tell him about this, too) cuz then he'll think something even worse is going on.
Some ideas could be to go out on ur own with a few of ur friends and just have fun. The love of ur life doesnt have to be in everything that u do, but just be there for u and support u and, yes, to do a lot of others things with.
The Best of luck to u!!! Hope this has helped a little
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