A
female
age
30-35,
*aria.niz
writes:My boyfriend broke up with me three months ago. Since then, my life has started to be absolutely nonsense, I spent my days watching the time passing by, and fell into a deep depression. I have started university almost a month ago, still I don't think I am over him. I mean, if I keep myself busy I think less about him, but as soon as I am alone, he comes up to my mind, and when he does, I just feel sad and depressed again. I need help. I can't find a reason to move on from him, I still think that he will come back to me. Rationally, I know that this won't happen, that I should move on and find another guy - maybe better, maybe who truly loves me. Emotionally, I just don't think I'll ever get over him. I really need help, how can I recover from this love-sickness? My life is getting worse and worse, how can I forget him? How can I move on?please tell me your experiences, share with me your thoughts, I'll truly appreciate it :)
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Intrigued3000  +, writes (14 October 2013):
 I've been where you are. I'm still going through the pain of my last break-up and that was over a year ago. I can promise you that it gets better. I actually have more happy days now and the sadness has been reduced to just moments. The first female anonymous poster gave some really great suggestions. I would say don't suppress the pain. Cry, scream if you have to. I remember one time, I was out jogging in the woods. I looked around to make sure there was no one else and I screamed all the obscenities I could think of at my ex. Let me tell you...it was a crazy thing to do, and it startled the wild life, but it was cathartic. I also kept a journal and wrote down all my feelings on a daily basis. I also talked to friends of mine and I went to therapy. The point to all this is to get out all your emotions. That is the first step towards healing.
You should also look yourself in the mirror everyday and say, "You are worthy and you are beautiful".
In the end, it's his loss and he will feel it one day, but by that time you would have already moved on, and he will be just a distant memory. You will survive this. You will be happy again.
A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (13 October 2013):
 from the other side of the male/female fence....I know the feeling. It was like someone had ramed their fist through my belly button and ripped out all the internsl organs they could find when she said, "My paents won't let me see you anymore so I guess we'll have to break-up. It's called breaking up for a reason. Heartbreak, broken dreams, broken promises,etc. I could go on. Well, that was over 50 years ago and it still hurts like hell. So as for telling you things like"time heals all wounds" etc. I can't truthfully tell you that. You will be in pain a long,long time. Or at least until you meet another guy. Malama Pono
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A
female
reader, Aunty Babbit  +, writes (13 October 2013):
 There is no magic wand that can be waved to cure this, it's horrible to experience and it takes time to get over.
Don't even think about moving on and getting another guy yet because you're not ready.
Keeping busy does help but it's important to be able to be alone with your thoughts.
You need to talk out your feelings with someone and keep talking until you work it out. Have you got friends or family who can support you? Can you get some counselling?
You have to make sense of the turmoil you're in and grieve for everything you've lost. Only then can you move forward and start thinking of new relationships.
There's no time limits to this, just take each day as it comes.
It WILL get better.
I hope this helps AB x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2013): Hi,
It always takes me ages to get over a break-up so I totally understand what you're going through. I'd still be suffering after only three months but these feelings do go away very slowly - so slowly in fact that I barely notice it until one day I realise I haven't really given "whoever he was" nearly as much thought time today.
You've already noticed that keeping yourself busy keeps your mind off things so keep yourself as busy as possible with fun activities as well as studying. University is a great place for this because they have a club or society for just about every hobby you can think of. Also a great way to meet people and make friends. Consider using the gym facilities too or join a sports team or yoga group as physical excercise helps lift your mood.
Of course there are always times when you have to be on your own but try to find some other distractional techniques to use. Here are some that I have found helpful
1) Music - nothing sad though. I like to listen to something upbeat. Either something I can sing along to so I'll choose the soundtrack to musical like Grease or maybe ABBA's greatest hits. Or I get out the heavy metal and play the air-guitar (after I have closed the curtains so no-one can see me!)
2) I cook and bake cakes - this might be difficult if you don't have access to cooking facilities but if you do... people love cake
3) Watch a really funny movie - I usually watch "Airplane" or "The Life of Brian" because they always make me laugh. Or a musical (of course) so I can sing along
4)Computer games - especially ones where I have to think logically as it keeps my mind working
5) Puzzles such crosswords or Sudoku - they keep my mind working and of course you can do them in public too without drawing attention to yourself (unlike singing or playing air-guitar) so if I start to feel sad or lonely when I'm on a bus or in a waiting room. I can just take out my puzzle book instead.
Try and think of a few things of your own.
If you're feeling really down though you can always go and see a counsellor to talk over you feelings. Most universities offer this kind of service free for their students
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